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Seth MacFarlane Quotes

Total quotes: 259
“Rallo: Well aren't we the Black Brady Bunch? 

Cleveland: Except I'm not a gay architect, and my wife's not sleeping with my son!”
— Cleveland Brown, The Cleveland Show, Season 1: Pilot
“You paint some flames on the side, maybe, like, a rainbow unicorn, you got something.”
— Gordon Malloy, The Orville, Season 1: Old Wounds
“Oh, I know it hurts now Brian, but look at the bright side, you have some new material for that novel you've been writing. You know, the...the novel you've been working on. You know, the...the one, uh, you been working on for three years. You know, the... the novel.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 4: Brian the Bachelor
Tagged: novel, Writing, SASS
“Come on, let's go drink until we can't feel feelings anymore.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 3: Stuck Together, Torn Apart
Tagged: Drinking, Drinking Jokes, Drunk
“Now I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I am not sir, and that sir, is an idiot.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 5: Hell Comes to Quahog
Tagged: Idiot, I'm Not An Idiot, Stupid
“Lois Griffin: Peter, you're bribing your daughter with a car?

Peter Griffin: Come on, Lois, isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love?'”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 1: I Never Met the Dead Man
Tagged: Love, Bribe, SASS
“Stewie Griffin: I did something awful.

Brian Griffin: Do you want to talk about it?

Stewie Griffin: [thinks about it for a bit, then answers] Nah.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 16: Send in Stewie, Please
Tagged: Relatable, Did Something Awful, Don't Want To Talk
“I saw Baywatch. That thing was freakin' rad.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 16: The D in Apartment 23
Tagged: Baywatch, Rad, Watching TV
“Donald Trump was right... his daughter *is* a hot piece of ass.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 15: Dearly Deported
Tagged: Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump
“I'm planning on dying tonight. What are *your* plans?”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 15: The Peter Principal
Tagged: Want To Die, plans, SASS
“How can I be a DJ? I'm just a guy with a laptop and an inflated self image.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 15: Peter's Def Jam
Tagged: Arrogant, DJ, DJing
“Glenn Quagmire: That's a military fighter jet! He's here to shoot us down!

Peter Griffin: Or she.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 15: Passenger Fatty-Seven
Tagged: Assumptions, Sexism
“All right, red light. Time to text and shave and whittle and floss.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 15: Chris Has Got a Date, Date, Date, Date, Date
Tagged: Texting, red light, Driving
“You know, you are doing a great job, Chris. Why don't you jerk the rest of the day off.”
— Glenn Quagmire, Family Guy, Season 15: The Boys in the Band
Tagged: Take The Day Off, Doing A Good Job
“Hey, you know what would be great? If you could talk with even a little bit of inflection in your voice so it doesn't sound so much like a fucking power sander?”
— Brian Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: The Heartbreak Dog
Tagged: Snark, SASS, Mean Comments
“Hey, you know what would be great? If you could talk with even a little bit of inflection in your voice so it doesn't sound so much like a fucking power sander?”
— Brian Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: The Heartbreak Dog
Tagged: Snark, SASS, Mean Comments
“Brian, I think we can get John Mayer to stop tweeting again, but we all got to work together.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Underage Peter
Tagged: Snark, SASS, Tweeting
“Wow, we rolled three gutter balls on these kids, huh?”
— Lois Griffin (voice), Family Guy, Season 14: An App A Day
Tagged: Parenting, Bad Kids, Stupid
“Lois Griffin: Peter, did you rob a bunch of people on the beach with your metal detector?

Peter Griffin: Well, that's only half the story. I also hooted at a lady who was breastfeeding.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: The Peanut Butter Kid
Tagged: breastfeeding, Metal Detector, Stealing, SASS
“Lois Griffin: Peter, did you rob a bunch of people on the beach with your metal detector?

Peter Griffin: Well, that's only half the story. I also hooted at a lady who was breastfeeding.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: The Peanut Butter Kid
Tagged: breastfeeding, Metal Detector, Stealing, SASS
“Lois Griffin: This is serious. We need to think about our kids' education. Of course, it's already too late for Meg to go to college and Chris is too dumb to get in anywhere.

Chris Griffin: Yay!

Stewie Griffin: No, Chris. Not yay.”
— Chris Griffin (voice), Family Guy, Season 14: The Peanut Butter Kid
Tagged: Stupid, College Education
“[while Peter and Quagmire are fighting] Kill him, dad! MURDER HIM!”
— Meg Griffin (voice), Family Guy, Season 14: Hot Pocket-Dial
Tagged: Kill Him, Murder
“We act like we didn't take a lot from the Simpsons. We took a lot from the Simpsons.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Guy Robot
Tagged: Sassy, Snark
“We act like we didn't take a lot from the Simpsons. We took a lot from the Simpsons.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Guy Robot
Tagged: Sassy, Snark
“I cry like Snoopy!”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Papa Has a Rollin' Son
Tagged: Crying, References To TV, Sad
“I cry like Snoopy!”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Papa Has a Rollin' Son
Tagged: Crying, References To TV, Sad
“So, are you going to the gerbil's funeral on Friday?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Papa Has a Rollin' Son
Tagged: funeral, Death, Grief, awkward
“So, are you going to the gerbil's funeral on Friday?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Papa Has a Rollin' Son
Tagged: funeral, Death, Grief, awkward
“Hey. Guess where I have a crayon.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Pilling Them Softly
Tagged: Crayons, Gross
“Hey. Guess where I have a crayon.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 14: Pilling Them Softly
Tagged: Crayons, Gross
“Hey, you know this old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children, she didn't know what to do? I got something she could do. Get your tubes tied, you kook!”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: Fighting Irish
Tagged: Snark, SASS, Children's Books
“His brain may be gone, but he's a lot of fun.”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: Encyclopedia Griffin
Tagged: Brainless, Sassy, Fun
“Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing. That's great.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: Quagmire's Mom
Tagged: Got Away With It, Learned Nothing, Snark, Sarcasm
“Wait, how could a musical festival chick like two guys?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: This Little Piggy
Tagged: Festivals, Music Festivals, SASS
“Peter Griffin: Brian, maybe you should be a little less mad at me and a little more mad at the guys growing mustaches for this month.

Brian Griffin: Hey, don't mock Mo-vember. Last year, I raised eight dollars and got on a BuzzFeed listicle.

Peter Griffin: No! You use real words! Internet stuff is not real words.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: Turkey Guys
Tagged: Don't Believe Everything You Read, Internet, Saw Online, Snark, SASS
“Brian Griffin: Peter, what the hell? You chose a turkey over me? I almost died!

Peter Griffin: I swear to God I thought dogs could breathe underwater.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: Turkey Guys
Tagged: Almost Dying, Stupid
“Brian, why does everything you touch turn to garbage?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: The Book of Joe
Tagged: Sassy, Snark, garbage, You're Garbage
“Brian, why does everything you touch turn to garbage?”
— Stewie Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: The Book of Joe
Tagged: Sassy, Snark, garbage, You're Garbage
“What? Gosh, it's not like the internet to go crazy about something small and stupid.”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: The Simpsons Guy
Tagged: Internet, Internet outrage, SASS, Sarcasm
“Meg Griffin: I MATTER!

Peter Griffin: Shut up, Meg, you don't matter!”
— Peter Griffin, Family Guy, Season 13: The Simpsons Guy
Tagged: Parenting, You Don't Matter, I Matter, Snark, mean
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