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Bachelor Party Quotes

“Rick, I want Debbie. You dump her and I’ll give you cash. Ten thousand dollars, plus a G.E. toaster over; a Litton microwave; a Cuisinart; Michelin tires, brand-new; a set of Sears’s best metric tools...”
— Cole Whittier, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Dowry, Microwave, Cuisinart, Sears
“Rudy: Let’s have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!

Gary: Yeah! Yeah yeah! All the things that make life worth living for!”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Bachelor Party, Chicks, Guns, fire trucks, Hookers
“Debbie Thompson: Are there gonna be girls at the party?

Rick Gassko: No...it’s a ‘stag’ party, and that means that the ‘does’ stay home!

Debbie Thompson: I’m not talking about the ‘does.’ I’m talking about hookers.

Rick Gassko: Ooohh...those!”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: stag party, does, Hookers
“Debbie Thompson: Rick, you promise you won’t fool around at your bachelor party?

Rick Gassko: I swear on my mother’s grave.

Debbie Thompson: Your mother’s still alive.

Rick Gassko: Well, if I go back on my word, I’ll kill her.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: I Swear on My Mother's Grave, Bachelor Party, Cheating
“Rick Gassko: [the guys find out their porno film has been edited] Not that I’m complaining, but I usually don’t like my filth this clean!

Rudy: Whatta waste of two women!

Jay O’Neill: I don’t get it; the dirty parts were there yesterday!”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Porno, sanitized, filth
“[tasting some of his own dinner] This is the food prison riots are made out of.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: bad cooking, prison riots
“Rick Gassko: What the hell are you doing?

Brad: I’m slashing my wrist.

Rick Gassko: With an electric razor?

Brad: Yeah, I couldn’t find any razor blades.

Rick Gassko: Well at least your wrist will be smooth and kissable.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Suicide, botched suicide attempt
“Personally, I was impressed when they opened the World Trade Center, but this, this is a piece of work.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: World Trade Center, Sarcasm
“Uh-oh. It’s Mr. Laughs.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: insults, Passive Aggressive
“Rick Gassko: [after Stan has left the syringe for taking blood sticking out of his arm] Um, Stan? Is this supposed to be like this?

Dr. Stan Gassko: Uh...no, that’s incorrect.

[carefully removes syringe]”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: medical disasters, syringe
“[greeting everybody at table]

Cole Whittier: Mr. Thompson...Mrs. Thompson...Debbie...and...

Rick Gassko: Bond. James Bond.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: greetings, bond, James Bond
“I hope you like potato salad...it’s chunky style...my favorite!”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: potato salad, chunky
“Mr. Thompson: [tied up and gagged] MMF MFF MFFFFF MFFF!

Rick Gassko: He says he’s having a wonderful time and he’s thinking of changing his name to Spike.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: bound and gagged, bondage and discipline
“Well, Mr. Thompson, that’s quite a list. And I think, if I really apply myself, I could be a totally changed person by the time we finish lunch!”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Self-Reliance, Hyperbole
“Rick Gassko: Who was that?

Jay O’Neill: I dunno.

Rick Gassko: [pointing to the arrow] And what’s this?

Jay O’Neill: Search me.

Rick Gassko: [Another arrow hits the wall] What about this?

Jay O’Neill: Still drawing a blank.

Rick Gassko: [Seeing Cole across the way] He look familiar to you?

Jay O’Neill: Yep.

Rick Gassko: Get the hookers in a circle. We’re going to put Cochise out of business.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Hookers, Cochise
“It’s time for spice, and the lucky spice is...paprika! ‘Oh thank you, thank you! You’ve made me the happiest spice in the world!’”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Miss America, Parody, Lucky Spice
“Cole Whittier: The car has low mileage and handles like a dream.

Rick Gassko: Well, so does Debbie.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Double Entendre, low mileage
“Rick Gassko: Attention, passengers, we are now leaving Nun Central and are beginning our journey to hell and beyond. The captain has turned off the ‘no smoking’ sign, and you may now move about the cabin freely. [Kids start screaming, reading Playboy, and gambling] Thank you for being Catholic and for choosing the Saint Gabriel’s School Bus.”
— Rick Gassko, Bachelor Party
Tagged: Hell, Nuns, Catholic, No Smoking
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