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Caddyshack Quotes

“You know, I've often thought of becoming a golf club.”
— Motormouth, Caddyshack
Tagged: Sarcasm, Golf Quotes
“his crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the Masters champion.”
— Carl Spackler, Caddyshack
Tagged: Cinderella Story, Miracle, Golf, Masters Tournament
“Licensed to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. A man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit—ever. They're like the Viet Cong—Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.”
— Carl Spackler, Caddyshack
Tagged: gophers, Viet Cong, Varmints, Superior Firepower
“This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sinsemilla. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.”
— Carl Spackler, Caddyshack
Tagged: Marijuana, stoned, Hybrid, Sinsemilla, Kentucky Bluegrass
“Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!”
— Carl Spackler, Caddyshack
Tagged: Cinderella Story, Miracle, Golf
“Don't be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.' He was a funny guy.”
— Ty Webb, Caddyshack
Tagged: desires, Philosophy, Zen
“Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?

Danny Noonan: Every day.

Ty Webb: Good.”
— Ty Webb, Caddyshack
Tagged: Drugs
“Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: Waitresses, Bad Meat, Horse Meat
“[to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: Segregation, Chinese, Jewish, Mistaken Identity
“Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: Crass, Farting
“You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: prostitution
“Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: Ageism
“Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [looks at Judge Smails, who's wearing the same hat] Oh, it looks good on you, though.”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: Bad Taste, Oops, Flattery
“Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: Getting Laid, Crass
“With the market these days if you own anything but land you own a popcorn farm.”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: Funny Jokes, Caddyshack, Classic Movies
“I tell ya' this steak still has marks where the jockey was hitting it.”
— Al Czervik, Caddyshack
Tagged: Funny Jokes, Caddyshack, Classic Movies
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