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Coneheads Quotes

“I was a young cone myself once. Before I met Beldar, I was very attracted to a young Thorasian forger. And I far as I was concerned there was no other life force in the universe that mattered. But then he got a job working at a volcano complex on some moon in the Petulaus Cluster. I never saw him again. And it broke my blood valve chamber.”
— Prymatt Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: techspeak, volcano, Attraction
“You know, Connie, I read in a magazine that you can talk to me about anything.”
— Prymatt Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: lifestyle magazines
“Lisa Farber: All men are pigs.

Prymatt Conehead: Ah, pigs. An omnivorous domesticated cloven-hooved vertebrate that defecates in the same place it consumes.

Lisa Farber: Exactly.”
— Prymatt Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: Misandry, Men are Pigs, pigs, omnivorous, vertebrate
“Ronnie: Yeah, my grandfather's from the ‘Old Country.’

Connie: Oh really, which one?

Ronnie: I'm not sure. One of the big ones.”
— Connie Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: grandfather, Old Country
“Connie: How can it take so long to do a simple alignment on an American sedan with standard rack-and-pinion steering and MacPherson struts when your garage is equipped with the proper Borg-Warner digital hydraulic radiometer?

Ronnie: Maybe because I was out back finishing a beer.”
— Connie Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: rack-and-pinion steering, Borg-Warner, alignment, techspeak, Beer
“Connie: I think I'll have some Tang.

Prymatt Conehead: Ah, Tang, the drink astronauts took to the moon.

Beldar Conehead: Astronauts to the moon?

[Beldar and Prymatt laugh]”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: Tang, Moon Landing, Moon Landing Hoax, Moon
“Prymatt Conehead: He was behaving like a flarndip?

Connie: [Confused] Flarndip?

Prymatt Conehead: A masher, a hustler, an uninvited grasper of cone.

Beldar Conehead: [Overhears this and is irate] FLARNDIP?”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: Flarndip, Sexual Assault
“Athletic Cone: I have learned much from watching the Garthok battle. It has weaknesses. I believe I can take it.

Beldar Conehead: Uh-huh. And let me know when Elvis gets here.”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: Elvis Presley, Battle
“Otto: Are you telling me you don't have a Social Security number?

Beldar Conehead: Correct.

Otto: Why not?

Beldar Conehead: I am an illegal alien.”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: social security number, illegal alien
“Take my car, its reinforced alloy superstructure is far superior to that of your broken down, rusted-out shit box.”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: shit box, used car
“Beldar Conehead: When my people come to colonize this planet, your name will be on the protected rolls, and you will come to no harm.

Gladys Johnson, Driving Student: You are wise. But there's a sadness to your wisdom.”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: alien invasion, Sadness, Wisdom
“Beldar Conehead: An owner's manual to a Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable.

Highmaster: Ford Lincoln Mercury Sable?

Beldar Conehead: A personal conveyance named after its inventor, an assassinated ruler, a character from Greco-Roman myth and a small fur-covered mammal.

Highmaster: Ah.”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: Greco-Roman, Ford, lincoln, Mercury, Sable
“[to Connie after they return to Earth] Your positive perception of me is vital to my existence. Besides, it is not every day a father can give the world to his child.”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: parental love
“May I have 55 words with you?”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: Coneheads, Overstatement
“If, for some reason your life functions ceased, my most precious one, I would collapse, I would draw the shades and I would live in the dark. I would never get out of my slar pad or clean myself. My fluids would coagulate, my cone would shrivel, and I would die, miserable and lonely. The stench would be great.”
— Beldar Conehead, Coneheads
Tagged: Stench, True Love, Coneheads
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