1. Home
    2.  › 
  2. Movie Quotes
    3.  › 
  3. Major League

Major League Quotes

“Haywood swings and crushes this one toward South America. Tomlinson is gonna need a visa to catch this one, it is out of here, and there is nothing left but a vapor trail.”
— Harry Doyle, Major League
Tagged: Home Run, south america, Vapor Trail
“Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.”
— Harry Doyle, Major League
Tagged: nose hair, party favor, Gross
“Harry Doyle: [before the playoff game] Monty, anything to add?

Color Man: Ummm...no.

Harry Doyle: He’s not the best color man in the league for nothing, folks!”
— Harry Doyle, Major League
Tagged: Cleveland Indians, color man, lackluster
“In case you haven’t noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven’t, the Indians have managed to win a few here and there, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.”
— Harry Doyle, Major League
Tagged: Cleveland Indians, Success, cellar
“The post-game show is brought to you by...[searches through his papers] Christ, I can’t find it. To hell with it.”
— Harry Doyle, Major League
Tagged: Cleveland Indians, Post-Game, attendance, advertisers, Christ
“Just a reminder, fans, comin’ up is our ‘Die-Hard Night’ here at the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won a pennant.”
— Harry Doyle, Major League
Tagged: Die-Hard, Cleveland Indians, Pennant
“Lou Brown: Hey, Jake. How's the knees holding up?

Jake Taylor: Great! Never been better.

Lou Brown: Mobility’s good? No problem getting off the throw to second?

Jake Taylor: No problemo.

Lou Brown: I need a catcher, Jake. Someone who can lead this team on the field. But I want the absolute truth, here, are you one-hundred percent?

Jake Taylor: Yeah, would I bullshit you about something like that?

Lou Brown: You better, if you wanna make this team.”
— Lou Brown, Major League
Tagged: knees, Mobility, no problemo, Bullshit
“All right people, we got 10 minutes ’til game time, let’s all gather ’round. I’m not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I’d just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we’d save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I’m for wasting sportswriters’ time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give ‘em all a nice big shitburger to eat!”
— Lou Brown, Major League
Tagged: shitburger, sportswriter, pep talk
“You may run like Hayes. but you hit like shit.”
— Lou Brown, Major League
Tagged: Run, hit, Shit
“Lou Brown: [at a team meeting] Can I have your attention, please?

[picks up a bat and leans on it like a walking stick]

Lou Brown: I have something I think you all ought to know about. It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn’t think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we’d be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami...and get rid of all of us for better personnel.

Roger Dorn: Even me?

Lou Brown: Even you, Dorn.

Eddie Harris: What if we DON’T finish last?

Lou Brown: She’ll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you’ll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.

Jake Taylor: [Jake stands up] Well, then I guess there’s only one thing left to do.

Roger Dorn: What’s that?

Jake Taylor: Win the whole fucking thing.

[long pause]

Willie Mays Hayes: [Willie stands up] Yeah.

Pedro Cerrano: [Pedro pounds his hand] YES!

[everyone talks among themselves]”
— Lou Brown, Major League
Tagged: Fucking, Minor Leagues
“[Willie Mays Hayes has just made a ‘basket catch’ to end the inning]

Nice catch, Hayes. Don’t ever fuckin’ do it again.”
— Lou Brown, Major League
Tagged: basket catch, Fucking, Warning
“Harry Doyle: [after Vaughn accidentally hits Coleman of the Yankees] Uh-oh.

Lou Brown: Interesting.

Harry Doyle: [Seeing the umpire throw out Vaughn] 'Bout time; it’s eight-nothing.

Umpire: You, you’re gone.

Rick Vaughn: What?

Umpire: You hear me, you’re gone.

Rick Vaughn: He was on top of the plate.

Heywood: Oh, c’mon, that’s horse shit.

Lou Brown: [to Pepper] I think you can get him out of there.

Rick Vaughn: The ball slipped out of my hand, it was an accident.

Umpire: You threw at him intentionally.

Rick Vaughn: Oh, kiss my ass.

Umpire: Get out of here.

Rick Vaughn: You’re full of shit, fuck you!

Umpire: Get out of here, rookie.

Rick Vaughn: Hey, why don’t you blow me, ump?”
— Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn, Major League
Tagged: Blow Me, Kiss my ass, umpire
“Indians Fan: Hey, Vaughn. Can I have your autograph?

[Hands Vaughn a matchbox with a pen]

Rick Vaughn: Sure.

[while signing the matchbox]

Rick Vaughn: My first autograph. I couldn’t give these away a few weeks ago.

Indians Fan: I heard your news on the radio. You made their hall of shame.

Rick Vaughn: [Becomes mildly annoyed, but gives back the matchbox to the fan] Nice hair.

Jake Taylor: Yeah, well you’re a celebrity now, Vaughn.”
— Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn, Major League
Tagged: Autographs, celebrity, hall of shame
“Rick Vaughn: [converses with Taylor on the mound] Fucking Dorn! This game should be over by now. He could’ve had that ball, he tanked it on purpose!

Jake Taylor: Hey! This isn’t the California Penal League, Vaughn, we’re professionals here! We don’t tank plays for personal reasons, so cut the crybaby shit! Now, you’ve pitched a hell of a game, you want to finish it, don’t you?

Rick Vaughn: Yeah.

Jake Taylor: Good...think you can get a strike on this guy?

Rick Vaughn: Won’t be much on it, my arm feels like Jell-O right now.

Jake Taylor: Just get it over the plate, I want him to swing.

Rick Vaughn: The last time I did that, the guy hit a ball that hasn’t even landed yet!

Jake Taylor: [grins] Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
— Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn, Major League
Tagged: Jell-O, Pitching Tips, Crybaby
“Roger Dorn: [shouting] Don’t fuck with me, Vaughn.

Rick Vaughn: Yeah? [shouting] Fuck you.

Roger Dorn: What’s the matter, rookie Fuck-Wad? Can’t you take a little joke?

Rick Vaughn: Real fucking funny, asshole.

Lou Brown: All right—[shouting]—All right! Knock that shit off.

Roger Dorn: Lou, you better make it real clear to this little lady that I’m not about to take his shit.

Lou Brown: Shut up, Dorn.”
— Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn, Major League
Tagged: Shit, Fuck You, asshole, joke, Rookie, shut up
“Rick Vaughn: [Seeing Harris take off his shirt, revealing white stuff on his chest] What’s that shit on your chest?

Eddie Harris: [Looking at his chest] Crisco.

Eddie Harris: [wiping it across his head]

Eddie Harris: Bardol.

Eddie Harris: [wiping it along his waistline]

Eddie Harris: Vagisil. Any one of them will give you another two to three inches drop on your curveball. Of course if the umps are watching me real close I’ll rub a little jalapeno up my nose, get it runnin’, and if I need to load the ball up I just...

Eddie Harris: [wipes his nose]

Eddie Harris: ...wipe my nose.

Rick Vaughn: You put snot on the ball?

Eddie Harris: I haven’t got an arm like you, kid. I have to put anything on it I can find. Someday you will, too.”
— Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn, Major League
Tagged: Shit, Vagisil, Crisco, Jalapeño, Pitching Tricks
“[Rick thinks he’s been cut from the team]

Rick Vaughn: I got news for you, Mr. Brown—you haven’t heard the last of me. You may think I’m shit now, but someday you’re gonna be sorry you cut me. I’m gonna catch on somewhere else and every time that I pitch against you I’m gonna stick it up your fuckin’ ass!

[Throws baseball against locker]

Lou Brown: Good, I like that kind of spirit in a player. The only problem is I didn’t cut you.

Rick Vaughn: What?

Lou Brown: I think someone’s been having some fun with you.”
— Rick 'Wild Thing' Vaughn, Major League
Tagged: Shit, stick it up your ass, Fucking
“Harry Doyle: One hit, that's all we got, one goddamn hit?

Assistant: You can't say 'goddamn' on the air.

Harry Doyle: Don't worry, nobody is listening anyway.”
— Harry Doyle, Major League
Tagged: Best Sports Movies, Goddamn
loading next page...