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Beavis Quotes

Total quotes: 21
“I am The Great Cornholio. I need TP for my Bunghole.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: The Great Cornholio
“[watching a Radiohead music video] Sometimes, if I have a boner that won't go down, I listen to this kind of music.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Blackout!
“Voice on T.V. Ad: [on T.V.] Imagine yourself, your own finger, luxuriously touched with the new karat gold Cubic Zerconium.

Beavis: [on the phone] hello, yeah, I'd like to order one of those... Pubic... Zercroniums.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Plate Frisbee
“[watching the video for 'Dancing with Myself' by Billy Idol]

This guy does everything by himself.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Sick
“Burger World manager:  You don't get workers compensation for fighting, it has to be an accident.

Beavis:  You mean we, like, need to poop in our pants?”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Work Is Death
Tagged: accident, Fecal Incontinence
“Butt-head:  Uhh, that doesn't sound right.  It should be like, Butt-head and Beavis.  'Beavis and Butt-head' sounds stupid.

Beavis:  No, no!  I kinda like 'Beavis and Butt-head'!  I don't know just sounds right.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Woodshop
Tagged: name changes, Stupid
“Butt-head:  Welcome to the future.  Here is your free porn.

Beavis: Yeah. Porn is good for you. Did you know that?”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Cyber-Butt
Tagged: Future, Porn
“Nurse:  Here's a prescription for some special shampoo and cream for skin irritation.

Butt-head:  [laughs]  She said 'foreskin.'

Beavis:  Yeah.  Foreskin irritation.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Head Lice
Tagged: For Skin, Foreskin, Double Entendres
“The end of the world kicks ass.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 8: Doomsday
Tagged: End of the World, Kick Ass
“Butt-head: Face it, Beavis, you have a problem with your penis. Maybe you should wash it or something.

Beavis: Yeah, I'll just…wait, with water? No way, then it'll get all wet.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Tainted Meat
Tagged: Genital Hygiene, penis
“Gus Baker: Hey! We're on the air! You can't use that language!

Beavis: We use language?”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Right On
Tagged: Language, Profanity
“Judge: You'll need someone who knows the laws, who's familiar with the penal system and—

Beavis: [laughing with Butt-head] She said penal.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Plate Frisbee
Tagged: Penal, Penile, Homonyms
“Beavis: So, like, in heaven, will all the chicks do anything I want?

St. Peter: No.

Beavis: That sucks. Do I get X-ray vision? Can I get some nachos?

St. Peter: No.

Beavis: Are you sure this is heaven? ”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: The Final Judgment Of Beavis
Tagged: Heaven, St. Peter, Chicks, Nachos, X-Ray Vision
“Butt-head: Hey, Beavis. We could get rich doing this. We need to get more balls.

Beavis: [laughs] You've got to hear what you just said, Butt-head. You said, heh, "We need to get more balls."

Butt-head: Huh huh huh, oh yeah.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Mr. Anderson's Balls
Tagged: balls, Double Entendre
“We're never gonna score! We’ll get cars and like, we'll get jobs, and we'll have to like, mow lawns and scrub the grill, but we're never gonna score ever! It's gonna suck!”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Teen Talk
Tagged: Getting Laid, scoring
“Kindergarden teacher: Butt-head, are you angry?

Butt-head: I'm, like, angry at numbers.

Beavis: There's, like, too many of 'em and stuff.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Held Back
Tagged: Innumerate, Anger
“Butt-head: Uh…Hey Beavis. I got an idea.

Beavis: Yeah, me too! Let's go over to Stewart's house and burn something. [holds up a lighter]”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Comedians
Tagged: Arson
“ [on the phone with the Home Shopping network] Yeah, I'd like to order one of those pubic zercroniums.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Sporting Goods
Tagged: Home Shopping Network, Cubic Zirconium
“Mr. Stevenson: Are your milkshakes made with real milk and ice cream, or do you use that reconstituted shake mix stuff?

Beavis: Yeah.

Mr. Stevenson: What do you mean? Yeah, you use the shake mix? Or yeah, you use the real stuff?

Beavis: Yeah.

Mr. Stevenson: [sighs] Let me talk to the manager.

Beavis: Yeah.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Customers Suck
Tagged: Milk Shakes, Stupid
“If you pour salt on a snail, a lot of scientific stuff happens.”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Scientific Stuff
“I need TP for my bunghole!”
— Beavis, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: The Great Cornholio
Tagged: Funny Moments, 90s TV Series, 90s TV
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