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Bob Belcher Quotes

Total quotes: 13
“Oh, right! Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about—running around with a bunch of stupid birds and going on rides. Fine, go. But you know what? I am not making dinner!”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 5: Dawn of the Peck
Tagged: Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving Dinner
“Teddy: Hey, Bob. You going to Equestra-Con?

Bob: Uh, no, Teddy. Because that's a convention for little girls that like toy horses.

Teddy: Beg to differ, Bob. It's for guys that like toy horses. They're called ‘Equesticles.’

Bob: ‘Equesticles?’

Teddy: Yeah, 'cause they got testicles. 'Cause they're men.”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 4: The Equestranauts
Tagged: Equesticles, Equestrian
“Kids are horrible. Why do we keep making them?”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 4: Bob and Deliver
Tagged: Childbirth, Anti-Natalism
“Gene: [about Bob's multitool] Could it kill an eagle?

Bob: Why would we want to kill an eagle?

Gene: I don't know. They're so condescending.”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 4: A River Runs Through Bob
Tagged: Eagles, Condescending
“Bob: Hey, sometimes good things come from boredom. Like Gene.


Gene: Thank you!”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 3: Carpe Museum
Tagged: Boring, Backhanded Compliments
“Well, Your Honor, I couldn't see the meter because there was a kid standing in front of it. And he was exactly....meter-sized...”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 3: O.T.
Tagged: Alibis, Parking Meters
“Bob: [addressing a large pot] Duval, is that you in there?


Duval: [from the pot] No one's in this pot. Go away. I am the spaghetti.”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 3: Mutiny on the Windbreaker
Tagged: Absurd, spaghetti, Hiding, Cowering
“Bob: Are we just going to ignore the fact that Louise just pooped in the pool?


Louise: Ignore it? I named it. Jezebel.




Linda: Awwww. My little grandoody.”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 2: Synchronized Swimming
Tagged: Portmanteus, Poop in the Pool, Jezebel, Grandoody
“Bob: [practicing] 'As you know, sir, we have several loans with your institution, all 'past due.' But what does 'past due' even mean, you know?


Gene: It's brilliant! There's no such thing as time!


Linda: Gene was past due, and he came out fine.”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 2: Bob Day Afternoon
Tagged: Loan Officers, Past Due, Brilliant
“Louise: Our family doesn't celebrate Lobsterfest. We're like Jews on Christmas.

Gene: Or Jews for Jesus on Hanukkah.


Teddy: Or me at a lesbian bar. Watched the hockey game at a lesbian bar, Bob. It was like I was invisible.”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Lobsterfest
Tagged: Lobsterfest, Jews, Christmas, hanukkah, jesus, Jews for Jesus, Lesbian Bar, Hockey Games
“Bob: Wait, you read her diary?

Linda: Yeah.

Louise: What I can stomach.

Linda: I just skim it to make sure she's not on drugs.

Bob: Wha...what does it say?

Linda: It says, ‘I’m not on drugs.’”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Sheesh! Cab, Bob?
Tagged: Anti-Jokes, Drugs, Diary
“Louise: So you're not going to get revenge today?


Bob: No, Louise, I'm not.



Louise: OK, got it. [slyly] Then I won't bring your credit card...which I cut into a ninja star!



Bob: Oh, you cut my credit card?



Louise: Into a ninja star!”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Sexy Dance Fighting
Tagged: Revenge, Ninja Stars, Credit Cards
“Mr. Fischoeder: Bob, you may be the worst tenant I've ever had. And I rent space to a raccoon sanctuary! 

Bob: I know. They're next door. I've been meaning to talk to you about it.”
— Bob Belcher, Bob's Burgers, Season 1: Burger Wars
Tagged: Raccoons, Landlords, Being A Terrible Renter
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