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Butt-head Quotes

Total quotes: 54
“[laughs while reading a label of superglue] It says "Use on wood."”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Beard Boys
“[watching a Violent Femmes video] I don't understand what the big deal is about breaking up. I'd just be like "Hey baby, get lost. We can still do it and stuff, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Held Back
“I bet they put all the stuff that sucks on in the morning, just to, like, get us to go to school.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Manners Suck
Tagged: Television, Morning TV
“[Beavis and Butt-head are pitching a show idea to Mr. Van Driessen]

Mr. Van Driessen: Now, I'm sure you have a fantastic concept. I'm going to close my eyes, and I want you to wow me.

Butt-head: ...Uh, is that allowed on school property?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Late Night with Butt-head
“[watching a Morrissey music video] Get off the ground and stop whining, you wuss!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Blackout!
“I'm gonna get a tattoo of a butt!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Most Wanted
“[while watching the video to Bananarama's "Venus] These chicks should marry GWAR.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Beavis and Butt-head Meet God
“This bowling ball isn't human! It doesn't feel pain! It can't be reasoned with!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Ball Breakers
“Y'know, like, this band sucks. But it's like, they suck like, in new ways, y'know. Like, they suck in ways we haven't, like, seen stuff suck before.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Ball Breakers
“[while watching a KISS video]

You know, these guys are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: The Butt-Head Experience
“Sergeant: Has anybody in your family been in the service?

Butt-Head: Uh, Beavis's dad was in the Navy.

Sergeant: Is that so?

Butt-Head: Yea. He was a seaman.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Be All You Can Be
“Fort Dix? Is that anywhere near fort nuts?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Be All You Can Be
“The more things change, the more they suck.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Yogurt's Cool
“Hey Beavis, I hear that if you fill a room with gas, and light a match, all the oxygen, like, disappears, and we'll get a killer buzz!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Stewart's House
“They have all this, like, complicated stuff and it makes the TV do, like, things that look weird. It's cool. It's called "special defects".”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Stewart's House
“[Watching a Public Image Ltd music video] 

Public Image Ltd.: I could be black, I could be white...
 
Butt-head: You're WHITE.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Customers Suck
“Beavis:  What do we do now?

Butt-head:  Uh…we could do homework.

[both laugh]”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Killing Time
Tagged: homework, Lazy
“Butt-head:  [to McVicker]  You just weren't reaching us, dude.

Beavis:  Yeah, and if you try reaching for us, I'll kick you in the nads!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Held Back
Tagged: reaching, Double Entendre
“[Beavis and Butt-head walk up to a female police officer who is posing as a prostitute]
Butt-head:  Hey, baby…so, like, how much?

Officer:  Fifty.

Butt-head:  Cool.  Beavis, do you have fifty cents?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 6: U.S. History
Tagged: undercover cop, prostitution
“Daria:  You guys will never graduate.

Butt-head:  Uhh…never masturbate?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 6: The Mystery of Morning Wood
Tagged: graduate, masturbate, Misheard
“[as Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address]  When I almost scored with four chicks seven years ago, this one chick's father brought forth upon me a prostitute.  Huh-huh.  Because some dudes just weren't created equal.  Huh-huh.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Leave It to Beavis
Tagged: Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, Prostitute
“Uhh, the Yiddish are coming.  Huh-huh-huh.  The Yiddish are coming.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Leave It to Beavis
Tagged: british, Yiddish
“Bartender:  Look, I told you kids!  You have no I.D.'s, you look underage, and if I serve you, I'll go to jail!

Butt-head:  Uhh…how about one for the road?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 7: Dumbasses Anonymous
Tagged: underage drinking, not taking "No" for an answer, One for the Road
“Principal McVicker:  You two are the worst students in this school has ever had.  And now because of that No Child Left Behind law, we may lose our funding!  Teachers will get laid off, I could lose my job!

Butt-Head:  Uh…did you say something about a child's behind?

Beavis:  Yeah, he definitely said something about a child's left behind!  I heard him!

Butt-Head:  No wonder you're gonna lose your job.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 8: School Test
Tagged: no child left behind, Child Molestation
“Uh, did anyone ever tell you sound boring on the phone? Can you like, shut up, and tell me how to get this computer to show porn?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 8: Tech Support
Tagged: tech support, Boring, Porn
“Uhh, thank you oh great master for your wisdom.  But, uh, we were like wondering if you could like, bite us?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 8: Werewolves of Highland
Tagged: Wisdom, bite us
“T.V. voiceover: You're watching PBS.

Butt-head: He said 'B.S.'

Beavis: But first he said 'pee.'”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Lightning Strikes
Tagged: Juvenile Humor, PBS
“Beavis, I have seen the top of the mountain, and it is good.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Top O' The Mountain
Tagged: I have been to the mountaintop, it is good
“Uh…I've got a crisis…in my pants.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Crisis Line
Tagged: Crisis, erection
“Buzzcut: And what about your patent disregard for Beavis! Do you not care a rat's ass for the safety of your closest companion!?

Butt-head: Uhh…no.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Water Safety
Tagged: Compassion
“Butt-head: I didn't know you were psychic, Beavis.

Beavis: Yeah, remember what those doctors said on those tests?

Butt-head: No, Beavis, they said you were psycho.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: Madame Blavatsky
Tagged: Psychic, psycho, Homonyms
“Mr. O'Brien: Alright, now I'm gonna ask you some questions. Failure to be truthful, and your responses will be interpreted as an acknowledgment of guilt. Do you understand?

Butt-head: Uh…yeah. [detector buzzes 'false'] Uh huh huh. Uh, I mean, no. [detector dings 'true'] Huh huh huh.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 4: The Pipe Of Doom
Tagged: polygraph, Truthful, Guilt
“Oprah: Butt-head, you've slept with over 5,000 women. How do you explain the attraction to you?

Butt-head: Uh…just look at me!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 5: Dream On
Tagged: Oprah Winfrey, Hubris
“Store clerk: Are you two gonna buy something or are you gonna stare all day?

Butt-head: Uh, we're gonna stare all day. ”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Incognito
Tagged: loitering
“Old woman: What happened to my spectacles?

Butt-head: Uh, your testicles?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 3: Couch-Fishing
Tagged: Homonyms, testicles, Spectacles
“Sergeant: I'm prepared to promise you your own guns, ammo, grenades, and uniforms. I'll get you a delayed entry, and I can probably get you stationed at Fort Dix.

Butt-head: Is that anywhere near Fort Nuts?”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Be All You Can Be
Tagged: Fort Dix, Ammo, Guns, Grenades, army
“Butt-head: Hey, Mr. Anderson, are you gonna die pretty soon?

Beavis: Yeah, and leave all your money to someone?

Butt-head: That would be cool.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Washing the Dog
Tagged: Wishing for Death, Inheritance
“Hey spank your own monkey all you want, but keep your hands off mine.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Babes R Us
Tagged: masturbation, Spanking the Monkey
“The fatter they are, the fatter they fall.”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: Bedpans & Broomsticks
Tagged: Fat-Shaming
“Beavis: Hey, Butt-head, do you think a man will ever land on Uranus?

Butt-head: Maybe on your anus.

Beavis: This chainsaw kicks ass! Pruning is cool!

Butt-head: Yeah! Let's go prune some power lines!”
— Butt-head, Beavis and Butt-head, Season 2: The Butt-Head Experience
Tagged: Uranus, Anus, Boy Humor
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