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Elaine Benes Quotes

Total quotes: 58
“Elaine: Is it possible I’m not attractive as I think I am?


Jerry: Anything’s possible.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Smelly Car
Tagged: Attractive, Possible, Dunning-Kruger
“Jerry: You will be stunned.

Elaine: Stunned by soup?

Jerry: You can’t eat this soup standing up. Your knees buckle.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi
Tagged: Stunned, Soup, Delicious
“Elaine: Where’s Kramer?

Jerry: Who knows? It’s like asking where’s Waldo.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 2: The Heart Attack
Tagged: Where's Waldo?
“You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi
Tagged: Soup, Nazis, Soup Nazi
“Jake: Well, maybe I don’t use my exclamation points as haphazardly as you do.

Elaine: You don’t think that someone having a baby warrants an exclamation point.

Jake: Hey look, I just chalked down the message. I didn’t know I was required to capture the mood of each caller.

Elaine: I just thought you would be a little more excited about a friend of mine having a baby.

Jake: OK, I’m excited. I just don’t happen to like exclamation points.

Elaine: Well, you know Jake, you should learn to use them. Like the way I’m talking right now, I would put an exclamation point at the end of all these sentences! On this one! And on that one!

Jake: Well, you can put one on this one: I’m leaving!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Sniffing Accountant
Tagged: Exclamation Points, Breakups, arguments, Grammar Nazis
“Elaine: My father thought George was gay.

Jerry: It must have been the singing.

Elaine: No, he pretty much thinks everybody’s gay.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 2: The Jacket
Tagged: Homophobia, gay
“We don’t know how long this will last. They are a very festive people.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Puerto Rican Day
Tagged: Puerto Ricans, Festive
“Elaine: All right, let’s go, I’ll give you half an hour.

Jerry: You’re serious?

Elaine: Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.

Jerry: Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Mango
Tagged: Sex, Sex and Friendships
“See, the great thing about robbing a fat guy is it's an easy getaway. You know? They can't really chase ya!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Finale
Tagged: Robbery, Fat-Shaming
“What is nice? Trying to fill the void in your life with flour and sugar and egg and vanilla? I mean, we are all unhappy. Do we have to be fat, too? Not you, Becky; I know you have a slow metabolism. I don't want one more piece of cake in my office!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Frogger
Tagged: Gluttony, Sweets, Cake, Sugar, Weight Gain
“I had to take a sick day. I'm so sick of these people.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Frogger
Tagged: Sick Days, Coworkers
“David, I'm going to hell! The worst place in the world! With devils and those caves and the ragged clothing! And the heat! My god, the heat! I mean, what do you think about all that?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Burning
Tagged: Hell, Torture, Devils, Suffering, Hades
“I have spent a lot of time, and I have eaten a lot of crap to get to where I am today. And I am NOT throwing it all away now.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Strike
Tagged: eating, Incentives, Sub Sandwiches
“Well, the female body is a...work of art. The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a Jeep.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Apology
Tagged: Nudity, Female Body, Male Body, Jeep
“I can't take this anymore! I don't want to hear how interesting the change with the hole in it is! And if you tell me what time it is in New York again, you are going home in a body bag!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 9: The Butter Shave
Tagged: Foreign Currency, travel, Annoyance, Threats
“It's the best part. It's crunchy, it's explosive, it's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million-dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Muffin Tops
Tagged: Muffin Tops, Entrepreneurs, Million-Dollar Idea
“Jerry, you have tendencies. They're always annoying, but they were just tendencies. But now, if you can't kiss this girl, I'm afraid we're talking disorder.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Pothole
Tagged: Germophobia, ocd, Tendencies, Psychological Disorders
“Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Cockfights, Marriage, Adulting
“Are you saying that I could be dating this hair? With you under it?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Jerry
Tagged: Baldness, Shaved Heads, hair
“I can't be with someone who doesn't break up nicely. I mean, to me, that's one of the most important parts of a relationship.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Andrea Doria
Tagged: Breakups, Still Friends, Relationships
“I found out he's a bad breaker-upper…you know when you break up, how you say things you don't mean? Well, he says the mean things you don't mean, but he means them.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Andrea Doria
Tagged: Breakups, Cruelty, mean, Bad Breaker-Upper
“There must be something exciting about this guy if he can arouse that kind of passion.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Andrea Doria
Tagged: Bad Breaker-Uppers, Passion, Breakups, Vengeful Exes
“Here's to us who wish us well, and those who don't can go to hell.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 8: The Little Kicks
Tagged: Toasts, Hell, Go to Hell
“It seems that a psychotic mechanic has absconded with my friend's car.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Bottle Deposit
Tagged: Psychotic, Mechanic, Grand Theft Auto
“That's the bra I gave her, she's wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She's a menace to society.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Caddy
Tagged: Bras, Menace to Society
“Yeah, it was, but then I just couldn't decide if he was really sponge-worthy.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Sponge
Tagged: Sponge-Worthy, Spongeworthy, Contraceptive Sponges, Sex
“I don't think George has ever thought he's better than anybody.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Soup Nazi
Tagged: insults, Low self-esteem
“Ohhh, I'm exhausted. I've been on this street a thousand times! It's never looked so strange! The faces...so cold! In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless...a bastard child, perhaps. My back aches...my heart aches...but my feet...my feet are resilient! (Thank God I took off my heels, and put on my...HIMALAYAN WALKING SHOES!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 7: The Hot Tub
Tagged: Advertising, Catalogs, Walking Shoes, Bastard, Exhaustion
“Well, all those mechanics do is work all day with their hands and their big, muscular arms on machines, and then they come home dripping with animal sexuality like Stanley Kowalski. What a huge turnoff that is.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Fusilli Jerry
Tagged: Mechanics, Attraction, Manual Labor, muscles, Stanley Kowalski
“You know that just admitting a man is handsome doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Jimmy
Tagged: Homophobia
“Kramer, you don't understand. He made the last contact between us. I had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship. If he thinks that I said hi, then I lose the upper hand.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Scofflaw
Tagged: Breakups, Upper Hand, Power Struggles
“I think this is the same one I gave him. He recycled this gift. He's a regifter!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Label Maker
Tagged: Regifting
“Just because you're a communist, does that mean you can't wear anything nice? You look like Trotsky. It's gorgeous. Fine, you want to be a communist, be a communist. Can't you at least look like a successful communist?”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 6: The Race
Tagged: Communism, Leon Trotsky, Fashion, Success
“I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Hamptons
Tagged: Penises
“He took it out.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Stand-In
Tagged: Sexual Harassment, Exhibitionism
“Are you kidding, he's a mimbo, I know that…but he's my mimbo, you know even if he is a hideous freak maybe, maybe I can learn to love him, maybe in some final irony, I'll learn what love really is.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Stall
Tagged: Superficiality, Mimbo, Attraction, Love
“Jerry, you are promoting a benefit to CLOTHE homeless people. You can't come out dressed like that! You're all puffed up! You look like the Count of Monte Cristo!”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Puffy Shirt
Tagged: homeless people, Count of Monte Cristo, Charity Events
“Look, Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 5: The Mango
Tagged: Sex, Friendship, FWB
“Do I smell something? What am I, hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Smelly Car
Tagged: odor, Stench, Bad Smells, Hard of Smelling
“Well, that's the positive thing about getting sick, you get to lose weight.”
— Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, Season 4: The Junior Mint
Tagged: weight loss, Illness, Irony
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