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Hank Hill Quotes

Total quotes: 21
“Why would anyone do drugs when they can just mow a lawn?”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 9: Yard, She Blows!
Tagged: Drugs, mowing the lawn
“I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 7: The Texas Skilsaw Massacre
Tagged: Anger, Idiot
“You shut your got-dang mouth or I'll shove that Ditch Witch down your throat and dig a tunnel straight through to sunshine!”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 7: The Texas Skilsaw Massacre
Tagged: Threats
“No, you are not tripping, that is an emu.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 6: Fun with Jane and Jane
Tagged: tripping, Psychedelic, emu
“That's a clean-burning Hell, I tell you what!”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 6: Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret Hill
Tagged: propane, Hell
“Hank: [Presses his tongs into the steak cooking on the grill] Firm but with a little give. Yup, these are medium-rare.

Bobby: What if somebody wants theirs well-done?

Hank: We ask them politely, yet firmly, to leave.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 12: Raise the Steaks
Tagged: Steak, medium rare, well done
“Can't you see you're not making Christianity better, you're just making rock and roll worse?”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 8: Reborn to Be Wild
Tagged: Christian Rock
“Dale, that's asinine, and here's four reasons why. First, you're not gonna clone a super-warrior out of a guy who can't even win a thumb-wrestling match. Two, you've spent your life swearing that the robots will eliminate the clones by the year 2010, so which is it, robots or clones? Three, you've already said you sympathize with the invading Mongolians of 2087, so you'd be the last one they'd send to fight them. And four, if you were from the future, you would have seen this coming.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 8: Reborn to Be Wild
Tagged: asinine, Warriors, Mongolians
“The only woman I'm pimping from now on is Sweet Lady Propane. And I'm tricking her out all over this town.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 5: Ho Yeah!
Tagged: pimping, propane
“Hank: I'm gonna kick your asses!

Dale: Why is it always about asses with you, Hank?”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 5: Hank and the Great Glass Elevator
Tagged: Kick Ass, asses, ass fetish
“But that shouldn't stop you from pursuing your own dreams of wood, plywood, pressed fiberboard, and, if you've got the talent, metal! Y'see, shop doesn't have to happen in any special place—as long as it's well lit, and the outlets are grounded. Because shop is bigger than any classroom, or garage, or stupid policy that makes tools illegal—it's in our hearts.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 4: Little Horrors of Shop
Tagged: Shop, fiberboard, plywood
“Bobby, I didn't think I'd ever need to tell you this, but I would be a bad parent if I didn't. Soccer was invented by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 3: Three Coaches and a Bobby
Tagged: soccer, European, anti-American
“Bill Dauterive: My face hurts.

Hank Hill: And it'll match your ass when I'm done kicking it!”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 3: A Fire Fighting We Will Go
Tagged: ass kicking
“Bobby, if you weren't my son I'd hug you.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 2: Life in the Fast Lane, Bobby's Saga
Tagged: Father Son, parental affection
“Maybe I should tie the long hair on your head to the short hair on your ass and kick you down the street!”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 2: Jumpin' Crack Bass
Tagged: Threats
“Don't play mind checkers with me, man. I'm not in the mood.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 2: Texas City Twister
Tagged: mind games, mind checkers
“Hank Hill: For God's sakes, Bobby, what nationality are you?

Bobby Hill: American.

Hank Hill: Then why are you holding your cigarette like some kind of European Nazi in a movie?

Bobby Hill: Why does it matter?

Hank Hill: That's not the right sort of attitude for you to have. Whatever you do, you should do right, even if it's something wrong.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 1: Keeping Up With Our Joneses
Tagged: Nazi, european spy, American, Attitude
“Dallas? I don't want you going to Dallas at all! That place is crawling with crack heads and debutantes. And half of them play for the Cowboys.”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 1: Peggy the Boggle Champ
Tagged: dallas, Crackheads, Debutantes, Dallas Cowboys
“What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he's white?”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 1: Westie Side Story
Tagged: Hatred, Race
“Your heart is telling you?! Who's the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work!”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 1: Luanne's Saga
Tagged: Head, heart
“Anthony Page: Mr. Hill, I feel that you're coming from an anger mindset, and if you're projecting this anger onto me, it gives me grave concerns as to how you facilitate your son's growth in private.

Hank Hill: Mister, I have not begun to project my anger onto you!”
— Hank Hill, King of the Hill, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Anger, Projection
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