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Ilana Wexler Quotes

Total quotes: 30
“Let's meet at the ATM where the dude puked on you last week.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: atm, puke, last week, Location, Meeting
“THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Knockoffs
Tagged: Excited, Happy, Overwhelmed, happiest day of my life, Life
“We ran into like a pickle. . . wall. I don't know what the saying is.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: in a pickle, hit a wall, expressions
“I'd shoot you in the face and shoot myself in the heart.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Hashtag FOMO
Tagged: shoot, Death, face, heart, Gun
“Nomo FOMO.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Hashtag FOMO
Tagged: no more, fear of missing out, FOMO
“Abbi: I can't really imagine what it's life for people with blue eyes.

Ilana: No idea, other than feeling like a fucking freak.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: Blue Eyes, Freak, Life
“Ilana: Abbi, truth or dare?

Abbi: You know what, I'm gonna go with dare.

Ilana: I dare you to suck Jeremy's dick.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Hurricane Wanda
Tagged: Truth, dare, Game, suck, Sex
“I'd like to cash these nickels, and I'll have them in quarters, please. ”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Apartment Hunters
Tagged: Bank, Cash, Request, Nickles, quarters
“You're leaving me like tight and dry. ”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Working Girls
Tagged: Leaving, tight, dry, Vagina, Abandoned
“That's cool. I respect you, respecting me. I am going to respect your dick later.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: What a Wonderful World
Tagged: cool, Respect, Sex
“You said that if you ever were going to do a same sex experimentation, it was going to be with me.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Destination
Tagged: same sex, upset, offer, Experimentation
“Simply yes or no. Did you or did you not peg.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Knockoffs
Tagged: Questions, did you, did you not, peg
“Four R’s, my friend: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rihanna.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Kirk Steele
Tagged: Advice, reduce, reuse, recycle, Rihanna
“I am a doo-doo ninja.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Hurricane Wanda
Tagged: Poop, Ninja, other names for poop
“Check it. I got a dirty ass martini and a clean white power suit.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Mochalatta Chills
Tagged: check it, power suit, play on words, martini
“My biggest weakness is that I lose my purse a lot.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Mochalatta Chills
Tagged: Weakness, Interview, Losing, purse, mistake, forget
“The most powerful moment in a woman's life. Your first grey hair.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: Powerful, Grey Hair, Woman, coming of age
“The vah-yine-yah is nature's pocket. It's natural and responsible.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: Pu$$y Weed
Tagged: Vagina, Nature, Natural, responsible, Handy, other names for vagina
“I leave a cum trail wherever I go, kinda like a slutty slug.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 4: Witches
Tagged: slug, cum, Sex, trail
“Basically, I’ve had more sex than like anybody in the entire world. Not just average sex, but like, dang 70s porno sex.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 4: Witches
Tagged: Sex, 70s, Porno, entire world
“Horny number! Oooh! Yowza! Love it!”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 4: Witches
Tagged: Horny, 69, Number, love it, yowza, Sex
“Cuz I’m a cum QUEEN!”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 4: Witches
Tagged: Queen, Sex, orgasm, cum
“I also want everyone I’ve ever hooked up with to just jack off together. That might bring me back to life.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 3: Jews on a Plane
Tagged: masturbation, hookups
“You look sexy and vivacious and artsy and, like, young-wife material but, like, taut and teasy still. It’s a perfect combo.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 3: Two Chainz
Tagged: Sexy, Vivacious, Artsy, Wife Material
“A person pussy-poops another person.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 4: Mushrooms
Tagged: Childbirth, Pussy, Poop
“Abbi, why wouldn't we be rating them on dick size? It's all I can see. Those b-ball shorts are God's gift. If you train your eyes, you can see their religion.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: The Last Supper
Tagged: Dick Size, Basketball Shorts, Religion, Circumcision
“Honey, I have a cyst on my uterus and I need to get fucked until it pops.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 3: Two Chainz
Tagged: Cyst, uterus, Fucked
“I know you from your ass better than I know your face.”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 3: 2016
Tagged: ass, face
“Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers in there, then why did she make them perfectly finger-sized?”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 1: The Last Supper
Tagged: nose, Vagina, Butthole, God
“Do you ever get hair from your head stuck in your buttcrack in the shower?”
— Ilana Wexler, Broad City, Season 2: Mochalatta Chills
Tagged: shower, Buttcrack
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