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James Breakwell Quotes

Total quotes: 69
“[in the kitchen]

6-year-old: Why is the fridge here?

Me: Where else would it be?

6: My bedroom.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: food, kids, Children, Cute
“4-year-old: I'm not going to be 4 forever.

Me: I know.

4: I'm going back to 3.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, humor, Age, Adorable
“My kids were fighting over whether an imaginary cake was strawberry or chocolate.

I told them to just make two imaginary cakes.

They said they didn't have enough ingredients.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, humor, Adorable, Funny
“Me: The house is a disaster. We all need to clean.

8-year-old: Who's coming over?

Me: No one. We're cleaning for us.

8: But we already know we live like this.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, Family, house cleaning
“Me: Did you know people only use half their brains?

6-year-old: Maybe boys.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, humor, entertaining, Feminist, feminism, Girl Power
“[as we all leave the house]

6-year-old: I want to stay home.

Me: You can't watch yourself.

6: I'll use a mirror.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, humor, entertaining
“Me: What did you do at school today?

5-year-old: Learned about dragons.

Me: Your class learned about dragons?

5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, kids at school, School, children at school, humor
“5-year-old: Why does every break end with us going back to school?

Me: How else would it end?

5: With another break.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, children going to school
“Me: What are you doing?

7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.

Me: There aren't any presents under the tree.

7: I know.

Passive aggressive level 9000.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Christmas, parents and children conversations
“5-year-old: The pig always messes up my blankets.

Me: Then why do you keep putting her in your bed?

5: Because I love her.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Pig, parents and children conversations
“[dropping kids off at school]

Me: Have fun.

5-year-old: Then why am I here?”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, children going to school
“Me: *texting from across the country* I bet you can't wait for me to get home.

Wife: You're coming back?”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Husband and Wife, Parents
“[listening to "We Three Kings"]

7-year-old: Where were the queens?

Me: Back at their castles.

7: Taking over for good.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, parents and children conversations, Women
“My 3-year-old tackled my 5-year-old because she stole her imaginary money.

Imaginary crime doesn’t pay.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids
“Me: Time to wake up.

5-year-old: Is it Christmas?!

Me: No.

5: *goes back to bed*”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Christmas, Adorable
“5-year-old: Girls can be anything.

Me: You can't be a monkey.

5: *enraged monkey shriek*”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, parents and children conversations, Girl Power
“3-year-old: *points to dog* That's my dog.

Me: Yup.

3: *points to pig* That's my pig.

Me: Yeah.

3: *points to me* You're my person.

I'll take that.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Parents and Children
“7-year-old: Do you think Santa is making our presents right now?

5-year-old: Maybe not. We were pretty bad.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, children conversations, Christmas, santa, Adorable
“Wife: Did you ever give a prize to your one millionth follower?

Me: I let them read my tweets for free.

Wife: Oh. So you punished them.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Husband and Wife, Parents, husband and wife conversation
“Me: You look very handsome.

7-year-old: Girls can't be handsome.

Me: Then what are you?

7: Awesome.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, parents and children conversations, Girl Power
“7-year-old: I feel sorry for Jesus.

Me: Why?

7: He was born on Christmas.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Christmas, Relatable, birthdays on christmas, Children, kids
“Me: What do you want for Christmas?

3-year-old: A nutcracker.

Me: Why?

3: To crack nuts.

Oh.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids
“5-year-old: Can we play the snack game?

Me: How do we play?

5: Give me a snack.

Me: Then what?

5: I win.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Parents and Children, intelligent kids
“5-year-old: Did you buy us presents for Christmas yet?

Me: Is that this month?

5: *death stare cold enough to freeze fire*”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Christmas, Children, kids, parents and kids
“7-year-old: Santa isn't real.

Me: That's right.

7: But he can still stop here if he wants to.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Christmas, santa, kids, Children, Adorable
“Wife: What's wrong?

Me: If reindeer only live where it snows, why aren't they called snow deer?

Wife: I don't know why I talk to you.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Husband and Wife, Parents
“5-year-old: Sometimes boys are bad.

Me: What about the rest of the time?

5: Boys are really bad.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, boys, Men
“Me: *stands on the bathroom scale*

5-year-old: Good job! That's a big number.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, Parents and Children
“5-year-old: How come only Mom wraps presents?

Me: She's better at it.

5: What are you better at?

Me: Unwrapping them.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Parents and Children, wrapping gifts
“Me: How was your last day of school before break?

5-year-old: We didn't even learn!”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, School, Education
“My 3-year-old just said, "Daddy, stop wasting time."

She summed up my entire life.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, dads and kids, Parents and Children
“7-year-old: Why are we opening our Christmas presents early?

Me: I make the rules, not the calendar.

7:

Me: Mom said it was okay.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Parents and Children, Parents
“5-year-old: *hands me a toy package to open*

Me: Looks like that’s going to take some arm strength.

5: I’ll ask Mom.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Gift, Parents and Children
“5-year-old: Did Santa come?!

Me: You don't believe in Santa.

5: He doesn't know that.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Christmas
“Me: What do you want to do today?

7-year-old: Nothing.

Me: You can't do that all day.

7: I can do it all week.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Relatable, relatable children
“[coldest day of the year]

5-year-old: You made her mad.

Me: Who?

5: Elsa.

My bad.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, humor, Adorable
“7-year-old: Time for a break.

Me: A break from what? You're not doing anything.

7: It's exhausting.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, Relatable, relatable children
“5-year-old: I closed my eyes last night and now it's morning.

Me: That happens.

5: I think I can time travel.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: kids, Children, humor, time travel
“7-year-old: Why do you argue with people on the internet?

Me: If I don't, nobody will.

7: Isn’t that better?”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, children make sense
“3-year-old: My belly doesn't want to go to sleep.

Me: Why not?

3: Tacos.

That makes complete sense to me.”
— James Breakwell
Tagged: Children, kids, food, kids and food
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