People
John Gustafson

John Gustafson Quotes

Total quotes: 6

John Gustafson

character

Total quotes: 6

“Ariel Truax: John, when was the last time you made love?

John Gustafson: October 4th...1978.

Ariel Truax: Oh, I think we're safe.”

— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men

Tagged: incel

“We did the horizontal mambo.”

— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men

Tagged: sexual euphemisms

“Ariel Truax: [John is showing Ariel some family pictures] And these two little guys?

John Gustafson: Oh! That's me and the moron.

Ariel Truax: Is that Max?

John Gustafson: Of course it's Max. He's ugly, isn't he?

Ariel Truax: Aw, you mean you were friends?

John Gustafson: I was 10, and didn't know any better.

Ariel Truax: What makes two men spend most of their lives fighting?

John Gustafson: Oh? Guess.

Ariel Truax: A woman!

[John nods]

Ariel Truax: How romantic.

John Gustafson: No, it wasn't romantic at all.”

— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men

Tagged: Moron, ugly, Romantic

“John Gustafson: Ohh, you don't know a damn thing about me...

Ariel Truax: I do, too! And I also know the only thing in life, that you regret, are the risks that you don't take.”

— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men

Tagged: Regret, risks

“John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes.

Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?”

— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men

Tagged: smoking, filtered cigarettes

“[Bragging about his sexual escapades] I've laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha Plumbing.”

— John Gustafson, Grumpy Old Men

Tagged: laying pipe, sexual escapades

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