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John Mulaney Quotes

Total quotes: 40
“I look like if Steven Spielberg hadn't made any money.”
— Gil Faizon, Oh, Hello: On Broadway
Tagged: Money, Image, steven spielberg
“I'm the type of man you would catch at a party going through the coats.”
— George St. Geegland, Oh, Hello: On Broadway
Tagged: party, Coat, Type
“I'm the type of man you would catch at a party going through the coats.”
— George St. Geegland, Oh, Hello: On Broadway
Tagged: party, Coat, Type
“I love my own thoughts!”
— John Mulaney, Unpopular Opinions About Mistletoe And Rudolph With John Mulaney
Tagged: Christmas, Holidays
“Fuck you, sit on this. Fuck your family.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Super Mouth
Tagged: Family, Mad, Pissed Off
“Sorry, I fart when I'm lying.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Disclosure the Movie
Tagged: Apologies, Fart, Lies
“Yeah, I got a nice big solid seat, don't I?”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Florida
Tagged: butt, Solid, seat
“I like it when things are as bad for you as they are for me.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Florida
Tagged: Bad, equal, prefer
“Marty Glouberman doesn't relax. The man eats on the toilet to save time.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, Season 3: Florida
Tagged: relax, Eat, Toilet, Saving Time
“Every time I move, I fart.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Cellsea
Tagged: Move, Fart, Movement, embarrassed
“I'm here to toot the truth.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Truth, Toot , Communicate
“This might be my morning soda talking, but fuck everybody, I'm outta here.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: Girls Are Angry Too
Tagged: Morning, soda, Caffeine, out, Leaving
“Rage, rage, fucking rage!”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Rage, angry, upset
“You cannot run from destiny.”
— Andrew Glouberman (voice), Big Mouth, My Furry Valentine: My Furry Valentine
Tagged: Destiny, Run, Fate
“Missy: Oh, uh... don't worry, I won't mons push you this time.

Andrew: You can mons push me all you want.”
— Andrew Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 1: I Survived Jessi's Bat Mitzvah
Tagged: Mons Pubis , Flirting
“R-U-I-N-E-D. There's only one way to say it, 'Rooned.'”
— Simon Sawyer, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Original Cast Album
Tagged: Pronunciation, Ruined, picky, Sassy
“R-U-I-N-E-D. There's only one way to say it, 'Rooned.'”
— Simon Sawyer, Documentary Now!, Season 3: Original Cast Album
Tagged: Pronunciation, Ruined, picky, Sassy
“Now I spend my days awash in a cologne of cold memory. It stinks of regret like a diaper in a hot car.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Memory, Stinks, Simile Examples, diaper
“Leave it to Julie Andrews' little minion to [bleep] me over.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Minon , Anne Hathaway , Julie Andrews , upset
“I needed to get smart, wisen up, kick the stupid out of my brain and rev the Corvette.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Smart, wise, Corvette , metaphor example, Brain
“The future looked as good as a blonde with long, flat buttocks.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: blonde, Simile Examples, butt
“A bondage-themed, improvised movie with borderline-unattractive no-name actors. The anticipation for our masterpiece kept growing and growing.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Improvised , actor, unattractive, Masterpiece, Art
“We were determined to make the coke-iest movie ever.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Movie, Coke, Goals, Projects
“I felt great. And a little violent all day.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Great, violent, crazy
“It was at that low moment that my indigenous friends introduced me to the cocaine leaf. Ten times more potent than the stepped-on powder sold in L.A. For the rest of the 70s, I lived like a jacked-up koala.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Friends, Cocaine, Koala, Drugs, high
“Mary Poppins screwed me.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Awards, Mary Poppins, upset, Mad
“It was an open secret in Hollywood. Like how Kevin Costner is three different people.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Hollywood, Open Secret , Kevin Costner
“Wipe that spaghetti sauce off your mouth, because I've got another project for you.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: spaghetti, Mouth, project
“She was like whipped cream and whiskey. Fluffy, and God damn dangerous. She had just the right va-va-voom to play a Holocaust survivor.”
— Jerry Wallach, Documentary Now!, Season 2: Mr. Runner Up
Tagged: Simile Examples, Whiskey, whipped cream, dangerous, actor
“You pay for a motel room; you expect a TV to work.”
— Don Lentile, Documentary Now!, Season 1: The Eye Doesn't Lie
Tagged: Motel, TV, Work, Expectations
“Does anyone have any Q-tips? Because I can't believe what I'm hearing.”
— Don Lentile, Documentary Now!, Season 1: The Eye Doesn't Lie
Tagged: Q-Tips, joke, Can't Believe It
“If I ever get a chance to screw this man over, I will do it in a hot Texas minute. You do not mess with my music.”
— Robbie Wheadlan, Documentary Now!, Season 1: The Eye Doesn't Lie
Tagged: Chance, Screw someone over , Music
“And I said, 'I'm not gonna sign anything without my realtor looking it over first.'”
— Don Lentile, Documentary Now!, Season 1: The Eye Doesn't Lie
Tagged: Realtor , sign, Law, Admittance of Guilt , Lawyer
“You know, they have this saying that, uh, bad things happen to good people, and, you know, if that's true, I must be some kind of a saint.”
— Don Lentile, Documentary Now!, Season 1: The Eye Doesn't Lie
Tagged: Bad Things, Good People, Saint, Life
“I said guess what? I'm happily divorced for 11 years.”
— Don Lentile, Documentary Now!, Season 1: The Eye Doesn't Lie
Tagged: Divorce, Happy
“When I'm not in a suit, I feel like I have no authority.”
— John Mulaney, Tan France Gives John Mulaney A Makeover
Tagged: Fashion, Queer Eye
“I guess I should go to school, even though there's no porn there.”
— Andrew Glouberman, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Pornscape
Tagged: Porn And Puberty
“This place looks like the Holocaust Museum.”
— Andrew, Big Mouth, Season 1: Sleepover
Tagged: place in the world, museum, Holocaust, museum
“Nick: Are we really doing the Electric Slide right now?

Andrew: I guess. It is a bat mitzvah.”
— Andrew, Big Mouth, Season 1: I Survived Jessi's Bat Mitzvah
Tagged: electric slide, guess, dance, Bat mitzvah
“Andrew: What's a head push?

Jessi: Its when a man pushes a woman's head to try to get a blowjob.
 
Nick: Wait that's a move!?”
— Andrew, Big Mouth, Season 1: The Head Push
Tagged: Cartoon Shows, Cartoon Network
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