1. People
    2.  › 
  2. Sterling Archer (voice)

Sterling Archer (voice) Quotes

Total quotes: 16
“Poovey: I can never unsee him naked.

Archer: I mean, the size of that thing.

Poovey: Haul that big bastard out and you can use it as an umbrella stand.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Dreamland: Ladyfingers
Tagged: Naked, penis, Huge, Umbrella Stand
“Malory: And what the hell are you wearing?

Archer: I think, technically, it's a... loincloth?
Fashioned out of a baby-doll nightie.
[Malory lifts a finger to say something, then lets out a sigh]
Well, sorry, Mother. I didn't know I was going to a funeral.
I would've worn a black one.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 7: Deadly Velvet
Tagged: Loincloth, Nightie, funeral, Black
“Lana, it's cashmere, there are rules.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 6: Vision Quest
Tagged: Cashmere, Rules, fabric
“Cyril: What do crocodiles eat?

Archer: EVERYTHING! THEY EAT EVERYTHING! And fear is their bacon bits!”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Vice: The Rules of Extraction
Tagged: Crocodiles, food, Fear
“Cyril: How do you not know the different kinds of porn?

Archer: Because I have sex with actual women, Cyril! My girlfriend's not equal parts the Internet, a tube of Kentucky jelly, self-loathing, and a sock.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Vice: Southbound and Down
Tagged: Porn, Different Types Of Porn, Women, Sex, Internet, Self-Loathing, Sock, masturbation, Sassy
“Archer: Thank you... What was your name again?

Rodney: Rodney.

Archer: Thank you. Asshole.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 4: Legs
Tagged: Rude, asshole, Sassy
“Sour mix? In a margarita? What is this, Auschwitz?”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 4: Fugue and Riffs
Tagged: Sour Mix, Margarita, Wrong Mix, Gross, Torture, Wrong
“No, forget the glass Woodhouse, just give me the pitcher. For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 3: Crossing Over
Tagged: Hungover, Death, Awful, Alcohol
“Lana: That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex.

Archer: Are you kidding? After seeing a tiger get murdered? Lana, I'm not in the mood! ...I mean, if you want to, I can watch while you masturbate, but just so you know, my heart's not going to be into it. It's going to be with that tiger's family... But, you know... go ahead and start.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 3: El Contador
Tagged: Sex, Death, Tiger, Murder, masturbate, Heart Is not in it
“Archer: Name the douchebag who's in charge!

Mobster: Vincent... Van Go-fuck-yourself.

Archer: Vincent Van Go-fuck-myself. Survey says!”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Archer Season 2: Placebo Effect
Tagged: douchebag, Vincent Van Gogh, Diss, Sassy
“That's just great. She gets dinner and Dixieland and laid. And I get mosquitoes and no beer and... not laid. How could this get any... [alligator surfaces and growls] LET ME FINISH... worse. You ruined it. You ruined the moment.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Archer Season 2: Pipeline Fever
Tagged: Dinner, Laid, Sex, Worse, moment, Ruined the moment, Comparing
“Anka: I'm from Germany, where the age of consent is 14.

Archer: What is it, the Alabama of Europe?”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Archer Season 2: Swiss Miss
Tagged: Germany, Consent, Sex, Alabama
“I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana. But I was the first to see its potential as a tactical garment. The Tactical Turtleneck, Lana. The... Tactleneck!”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 1: The Rock
Tagged: Turtleneck, Potential, Garment, Tactical, invention
“Archer: [After being distracted by Lana in her underwear] Right, because you walked into Strippers Discount Warehouse and said, 'Help me showcase my intellect'!

Lana: Strippers Discount? Hel-LO! These-are-Fiacchi!

Archer: I think it's pronounced, 'Knock-off!'”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 1: Skorpio
Tagged: stripper, Knock-off, Intellect, Underwear, Showcase
“Cyril: Besides, I'm sure it's not the first time you've kept a secret from Lana.

Archer: Uh hello! Herpes?!”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Archer, Season 1: Training Day
Tagged: Secret, Herpes, Not The First Time
“Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, at the hour of my death... which I hope is soon. Amen.”
— Sterling Archer (voice), Swiss Miss
Tagged: Drinking, Hungover
loading next page...