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Will Arnett Quotes

Total quotes: 20
“I've made a huge tiny mistake.”
— Gob Bluth, Arrested Development, Season 3: The Cabin Show
Tagged: mistake, Huge, tiny, accident
“We understood each other in a way, me and my mom and my dad. As screwed up as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother, she knew what it's like to feel your entire life like you're drowning with the exception of these moments, these very rare, brief instances, in which you suddenly remember... you can swim.”
— BoJack Horseman (voice), BoJack Horseman, Season 5: Free Churro
Tagged: Drowning, Depression, Happiness
“So I stopped at a Jack in the Box on the way here, and the girl behind the counter said, "Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?" Not, "How are you doing today?" No. "Are you having an awesome day?" Which is pretty shitty because it puts the onus on me to disagree with her, like if I'm not having an "awesome day," suddenly I'm the negative one. Usually when people ask how I'm doing, the real answer is I'm doing shitty, but I can't say I'm doing shitty, because I don't even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say, "I'm doing shitty," then they say, "Why? What's wrong?" And I have to be like, "I don't know, all of it?" So instead, when people ask me how I'm doing, I usually say, "I am doing so great." But when this girl at the Jack in the Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought, well, today I'm actually allowed to feel shitty, today I have a good reason, so I said to her, "Well, my mom died." And she immediately burst into tears. So now *I* have to comfort *her*, which is annoying, and meanwhile, there's a line of people forming behind me, who are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box girl cry. And she's bawling, and she's saying, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," and I'm like, "It's fine, it's fine. I mean, it's not fine, but, you know, it's... fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal, and I've kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less with the crying and more with the frying, huh?" And the girl apologizes, again, and she offers me a free churro with my meal. And as I'm leaving, I think, "I just got a free churro because my mom died." No one ever tells you when your mom dies, you get a free churro.”
— BoJack Horseman (voice), BoJack Horseman, Season 5: Free Churro
Tagged: Have A Nice Day, Free Churro, Grief
“Piece of shit. Stupid piece of shit. You're a real stupid piece of shit. But I know I'm a piece of shit. That at least makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don't know they're pieces of shit. Or is it worse?”
— BoJack Horseman (voice), BoJack Horseman, BoJack Horseman Season 4: Stupid Piece of Sh*t
Tagged: Piece of Shit, self awareness
“I don't understand how people... live. It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: "Yeah, another day, let's do it." How do people do it? I don't know how.”
— BoJack Horseman (voice), BoJack Horseman, BoJack Horseman Season 2: Out to Sea
Tagged: Living, Struggling
“ You know, sometimes I think I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me and now its all gone. And I'll never get it back in me. It's too late. Life is a series of closing doors, isn't it?”
— BoJack Horseman (voice), BoJack Horseman, BoJack Horseman Season 1: Horse Majeure
Tagged: Depression
“People usually don't want to hang out with me after rehab. I'm really more of a before rehab friend.”
— BoJack Horseman (voice), BoJack Horseman, BoJack Horseman Season 1: Prickly-Muffin
Tagged: rehab, Drugs And Alcohol
“I told you I don't know where it is. Don't put things in my butt if you want them back.”
— BoJack Horseman (voice), BoJack Horseman, BoJack Horseman Season 1: BoJack Hates the Troops
“Look, for a lot of people, life is just one long hard kick in the urethra.”
— BoJack Horseman (voice), BoJack Horseman, BoJack Horseman Season 1: The BoJack Horseman Story, Chapter One
“Dennis: This guys is unbelievable, He wrote the fucking book on bullshit.

Tilly: At least he says he did.”
— Mark Chappell, Will Arnett, Flaked, Season 1: Shell
Tagged: Bullshit, unbelievable, Fucking
“You've got a serious platitude problem.”
— Mark Chappell, Will Arnett, Flaked, Season 1: Horizon
Tagged: platitudes
“Cooler: She is, like, my idea of the perfect wife. We would be so happy together for, like, 15 years.

Chip: Wait, I'm sorry. Even your idea of the perfect fantasy wife ends in divorce?

Cooler: Yeah. Yeah, for sure, but it would be amicable.”
— Chip, Flaked, Season 1: Westminster
Tagged: perfect wife, Divorce
“Chip: I'm not not yet past the cut-off point.

Dennis: You mean the point at which you cut her off?

Chip: No. The point at which a series of casual hook-ups turns into a relationship.

Dennis: Let me get this straight. So, you were willing to jeopardize our friendship for this girl, and you're not even serious about her?

Chip: No, man, I am serious about her. That's why we're not in a relationship.”
— Chip, Flaked, Season 1: Westminster
Tagged: Relationship, Cut-Off, Hook-Up
“ I tried to drown my sorrows in alcohol, but the bastards learned how to swim.”
— Chip, Flaked, Season 1: Westminster
Tagged: Alcohol, Sorrows, Bastards
“[speaking to the group] I came to Venice by accident. No, let me rephrase that. I came to Venice because of an accident. Ten years ago, I killed a man. It was my fault. There's no excuse for it. You see, when it's left up to me, my best thinking, well, my best thinking tells me it's okay to get loaded and get behind the wheel of a car. And that's what I did. I took another human being's life. And, in the process, destroyed what was left of mine. But the people in these rooms, you got me sober. You got me back on my feet, which is just as well, as I walk everywhere now. The State of California no longer thinks it's a good idea for me to drive. You taught me to be humble, to be honest, brutally honest, about who I am and what I'd done. You taught me that if I really wanted to help myself, that I had to stick my hand out and help others.”
— Chip, Flaked, Season 1: Westminster
Tagged: accident, Murder, California, Drive
“[speaking to the group] I came to Venice by accident. No, let me rephrase that. I came to Venice because of an accident. Ten years ago, I killed a man. It was my fault. There's no excuse for it. You see, when it's left up to me, my best thinking, well, my best thinking tells me it's okay to get loaded and get behind the wheel of a car. And that's what I did. I took another human being's life. And, in the process, destroyed what was left of mine. But the people in these rooms, you got me sober. You got me back on my feet, which is just as well, as I walk everywhere now. The State of California no longer thinks it's a good idea for me to drive. You taught me to be humble, to be honest, brutally honest, about who I am and what I'd done. You taught me that if I really wanted to help myself, that I had to stick my hand out and help others.”
— Chip, Flaked, Season 1: Westminster
Tagged: accident, Murder, California, Drive
“Anyway, a vodka cellar is no place for sober little children.”
— Steven Wilde, Running Wilde, Season 1: Oil & Water
Tagged: Vodka Cellar, vodka
“You sleep on my couch and you don't pay rent. I've had tapeworms that are less parasitic. I don't even remember why I let you stay with me in the first place.”
— BoJack Horseman, BoJack Horseman, BoJack Horseman Season 1: The BoJack Horseman Story, Chapter One
Tagged: insults, Bad Roomate
“What's great about Los Angeles is nobody cares where you're from or who you are. It's a superficial town where you can worry about stupid shit like keeping your pool clean, and what artisanal nuts to put on your salad.”
— BoJack Horseman, Live Fast, Diane Nguyen
“Well I don't want to overuse my catch phrase here, but Tru Dat”
— BoJack Horseman, Heartland, Season 1: One Trick Pony
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