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Willie Nelson Quotes

Total quotes: 68
“[Luke and Bo just failed a moonshine delivery] How many Dukes does it take to screw up a moonshine delivery?”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Moonshine
“Just the good ol’ boys/Never meanin’ no harm/Beats all you never saw/Been in trouble with the law since the day they was born/Straightenin’ the curves/Flattenin’ the hills/Someday the mountain might get ’em but the law never will/Makin’ their way the only way they know how/That’s just a little bit more than the law would allow/Just the good ol’ boys/Wouldn’t change if they could/ Fightin’ the system like a true modern day Robin Hood.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Good Ol' Boys, Moonshine, Robin Hood
“Luke Duke: [Uncle Jesse takes a big gulp of moonshine while being pursued by the police] Stop that! Why are you doin’ that?

Uncle Jesse: What I’m about to do, I don’t want to remember a lot of it. [lights a wick in the jar and throws it at the police car chasing them]”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Moonshine, Incendiary Devices
“Uncle Jesse: You know why tornadoes and blondes are so much alike?

Luke Duke: No.

Uncle Jesse: At first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: sucking, BLowing, tornados, Dumb Blonde Jokes
“You know what happens when a politician takes Viagra? He gets taller.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Viagra, Politicians
“Luke Duke: You thinkin’ about throwin’ that?

Uncle Jesse: Oh, I’m gonna throw it...I was thinkin’ about pussy.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Thinking, Pussy, Sexual Fantasies
“Uncle Jesse: Why are divorces so expensive?

Luke Duke: Why?

Uncle Jesse: 'Cause they’re worth it.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Divorce, expensive, Jokes
“Luke Duke: [while Bo and Luke are getting arrested in the courthouse] Well, now, I guess the party’s over.

Boss Hogg: Damn right it is! As long as I’m the County Commissioner in the great State of Georgia, you two are gonna rot in the penitentiary. Cuff them!

Daisy Duke: Excuse me, Rick Shankley? I believe the governor has a statement to make.

Governor Jim Applewhite: I do?

Daisy Duke: Yes, sir. You were going to tell everyone about how these boys are heroes for saving Hazzard County.

Governor Jim Applewhite: As everyone knows, I have always been a great friend to the environment, and these boys are environmental heroes!

Uncle Jesse: And you’re going to pardon them for all of their crimes, huh?

Governor Jim Applewhite: Moreover, as Governor, I hereby pardon these boys for any and all offenses against the great State of Georgia. Go ‘Dogs!

Uncle Jesse: Governor, I want to thank you for pardoning me, too.

Boss Hogg: Pardon you for what?

Uncle Jesse: For this! [Uncle Jesse punches Boss Hogg in the mouth]

Governor Jim Applewhite: Oh, what the hell. I pardon him, too.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: georgia, Penitentiary, Pardon
“Uncle Jesse: [after Luke crashes through a police roadblock] Give me your goddamn license!

Luke Duke: What license?”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: license, Jokes, Goddamn
“Uncle Jesse: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Luke Duke: What?

Uncle Jesse: A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Jokes, Donkey, onion, Piece of Ass
“Here’s another one: Drunk walks out of a bar and runs into a guy carrying an antique grandfather clock. The guy drops the clock, breaking into a million pieces. He looks at the drunk and says, ‘Why don’t you watch where you’re going?’ The drunk looks at him and says, ‘Why don’t you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?’”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Drunk, grandfther clock, wristwatch, Jokes
“Uncle Jesse: What do you call a farmer with a sheep under each arm?

Luke Duke: What?

Uncle Jesse: A playboy.”
— Uncle Jesse Duke, The Dukes of Hazzard
Tagged: Farmer, Sheep, Playboy
“I don't drink anymore. That was always my biggest problem. I never did cocaine or any of those things. Alcohol was always my enemy, for as far back as I can remember. When I quit drinking and quit smoking cigarettes, a lot of my problems went away.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson Revisits Old Standards for New ‘Classic’
Tagged: Drinking, Alcoholism, Cocaine, Cigarettes
“If a song was ever good, it's still good.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson Revisits Old Standards for New ‘Classic’
Tagged: Songwriting, Timeless
“You could try to live monogamously. Good luck. There's people who say thinking about cheating is just as bad as doing it, so if you start looking at it from that angle, they got us all.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Monogamy, Cheating, Hypergamy
“There is no such thing as an ex-wife. If you had a relationship, just because you don't live with them anymore doesn't mean that they're a non-human being, and if they want to say hello, then there should be a hello.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: ex-wife, Divorce, hello, When Lovers Become Strangers
“If you start out looking at somebody, wondering whether he's good or bad, I think you're starting out in the wrong direction. I think we're all good and we're all bad.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Good and Bad, Good, Bad
“Contradiction exists in everyone. There's really nothing wrong with the fact that the same people who sing ‘Whiskey River’ at the show tonight also sing ‘Amazing Grace.’ When I was back teaching Sunday school, I used to teach the same people on Sunday mornings that I sang to on Saturday nights. Nothing wrong with that, either.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Contradiction, Whiskey River, Amazing Grace, Sunday School
“Being open has helped me. With smoking pot or anything else. It's just a lot easier not to make excuses for who I am and what I do. It has to do with getting from point A to point B, retaining my sanity, and still progressing—taking some lemons and making some lemonade.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Being Open, Smoking Pot, Making excuses
“Freedom is control in your own life. I have more control now than in the past, and I'm learning the value of saying no. That's very important.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Freedom, Control, Saying No
“A guy named Ben Dorsey used to work for Johnny Cash, and he had a bunch of suits that Johnny had given him. He was walking down the street in Nashville in front of the Grand Ole Opry, and this guy came up with a guitar in his hand and thought Ben was one of the stars because he had on Cash's suit. He said, ‘How do you get started in this business?’ And Ben said, ‘Ain't but one way, hoss. You start at the bottom, you go right to the top. Don't mess with that in-between shit.’”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Ben Dorsey, Johnny Cash, Grand Ole Opry, Nashville
“We've already been reincarnated about a million times, maybe. It doesn't make sense any other way. How can we be created equal if there's a guy over here sitting on the corner, blind, with no feet, trying to make it, and there's another guy out there running around in a new Cadillac with two girls on either side of him and millions of dollars coming in?”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Reincarnation, Cadillac, Equality
“I started writing cheating songs when I was too young to have any idea what I was writing about—broken hearts and things like that. I just think it was something I already knew, something I had experienced in another lifetime.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Cheating, Cheating Songs, Country Music, Broken Hearts, Reincarnation
“Maybe I've learned, through experience, to rein in some of the anger and temper they say redheads normally have. My grandmother used to tell me that a hard head makes a sore ass.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Experience, Anger, Redheads, grandmother
“Cruelty is all out of ignorance. If you knew what was in store for you, you wouldn't hurt anybody, because whatever you do comes back much more forceful than you send it out.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson on Marriage, Drugs, and Freedom
Tagged: Cruelty, Ignorance, Karma
“A song is a short story. It might have been my buddy Harlan Howard, a writer I met in Nashville in the sixties, who first said a song ain't nothing but three chords and the truth.

Well, songs come easy to me. I've written hundreds of them. I see them as little stories that fall out of our lives and imaginations. If I have to struggle to write a song, I stop before I start. I figure if it don't flow easy, it's not meant to be.

The truth should flow easy. Same for songs and stories. If you overanalyze or torture yourself to bring them to life, something's wrong. Just the way a mountain stream, bubbling with fresh clean water, keeps flowing, stories need to flow free and easy. The source of the water, like the source of the songs, comes from on high. It's a natural thing. It's a beautiful thing.”
— Willie Nelson, It's a Long Story: My Life
Tagged: Songs, Songwriting, Harlan Howard, Nashville, Truth
“Memories remind us that every moment of our lives, even the most tragic, have contributed to our strength. We’ve gotten through. We’re still here.”
— Willie Nelson, It's a Long Story: My Life
Tagged: Memories, tragic, strength, Survival, Overcoming
“We are never alone. Even by ourselves, we are not alone. Death is just a door opening to somewhere else. Someday we’ll know what that door opens to.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson: 'Three Chords and the Truth—That's What a Country Song Is'
Tagged: Alone, Loneliness, Death
“Death is not the ending of anything. I believe all of us are only energy that becomes matter. When the matter goes away, the energy still exists. You can’t destroy it. It never dies. It manifests itself somewhere else.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson: 'Three Chords and the Truth—That's What a Country Song Is'
Tagged: Death, Energy, Matter, energy consumption, Reincarnation
“I was always a sucker for long-black-haired women.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson: 'Three Chords and the Truth—That's What a Country Song Is'
Tagged: Long Black Hair, Sucker
“I saw Gene Autry and Roy Rogers movies every weekend. They were my heroes. Riding my horse, shooting my gun, singing my songs, playing my guitar—that’s what I wanted to do.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson: 'Three Chords and the Truth—That's What a Country Song Is'
Tagged: Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, Cowboy Movies
“Anybody can be unhappy. We can all be hurt. You don’t have to be poor to need something or somebody. Rednecks, hippies, misfits—we’re all the same. Gay or straight? So what? It doesn’t matter to me. We have to be concerned about other people, regardless.”
— Willie Nelson, Willie Nelson: 'Three Chords and the Truth—That's What a Country Song Is'
Tagged: Rednecks, Hippies, Misfits, gay, straight, Happiness
“As adults we try to relax from the never-ending quest for reason and order by drinking a little whiskey or smoking whatever works for us, but the wisdom isn't in the whiskey or the smoke. The wisdom is in the moments when the madness slips away and we remember the basics. ”
— Willie Nelson, The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart
Tagged: Whiskey, smoking, Relaxation, Wisdom, Madness
“You'll never get ahead by blaming your problems on other people.”
— Willie Nelson, The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart
Tagged: Responsibility, Getting Ahead, blaming
“Let the jerks of the world serve as the perfect example of what you don't want to be. You'll be a heck of a lot happier, and in the long run, there's a chance that other person at work will end up asking what your secret is. Why are you the happy one? In other words, don't let your thoughts think you. Besides, if you're really gonna get pissed, don't waste it on your family, friends, or coworkers, save it for something that really matters.”
— Willie Nelson, The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart
Tagged: Jerks, Happiness, Priorities
“I'm just an ole redneck from Texas who ain't a Democrat or Republican, but I can look at a guy and tell whether I like him or not.”
— Willie Nelson
Tagged: Redneck, Texas, Democrat, republican
“When you think a negative thought, it releases poison in your system. Next thing you know, you wind up with cancer or other diseases. I try to live in the moment without regrets.”
— Willie Nelson
Tagged: Negativity, cancer
“Rather than trying to put an end to Eminem or some other rapper, politicians should think about why they're rapping. It's easier to try to censor some kid who's swearing about poverty than it is to stop the poverty.”
— Willie Nelson
Tagged: Eminem, Poverty, Rap, Censorship, Politicians
“Biodiesel seems to be the answer to a lot of our prayers. Not only can it help the U.S. economy, our unwanted dependence on foreign oil, and the gasping environment, it could also help the family farmers out of this tragic dilemma they have found themselves in through no fault of their own.”
— Willie Nelson
Tagged: Biodiesel, Oil Dependence, environment, Family Farmers
“When I was out in the bars drinking and fighting I was a little bit less of a peacemaker than I would be if I'd had a coupla hits of a joint and gone and laid down somewhere.”
— Willie Nelson
Tagged: Fighting, Drinking, Peacemaker, Marijuana
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