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Talladega Nights Quotes

“Well, let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said…’I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.’”
— Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Best Sports Movies, Colonel Sanders
“There's nothing more frightening than driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.”
— Reese Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Fear, Cougar, Goddamn
“Walker: Shut up in here! I'm trying to sleep!

Texas Ranger: One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!”
— Walker Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Threats, shut up
“Jean Girard: Bon. So, what if you just said: 'I love really thin pancakes'? That is a fair compromise, no?

Kyle: That is a fair compromise.

Herschell: Very fair, actually.

Ricky Bobby: No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crêpes!

Kyle: That's actually a pretty good compromise right there.

Jean Girard: Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?

Ricky Bobby: You don't understand. You don't understand because you don't understand liberty. You don't understand freedom. So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?

Cal Naughton, Jr.: [leans down to talk to Ricky in a low voice] Hey. This is just between you and me, okay? I mean, forget all these other guys. But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.

Ricky Bobby: [whispering] What do you think?

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't say it.

Ricky Bobby: Yeah. I'm not gonna say it. Nope. Break it, Pepé Le Pew!

Jean Girard: As you wish. [He breaks Ricky's arm]

Ricky Bobby: [in pain] He actually did it!”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Pancakes, Compromise, Threats
“Cal Naughton, Jr.: Did he just say 'husband'?

Herschell: Wow...Dennit hired a gay Frenchman as your teammate!

Ricky Bobby: The room's startin' to spin real fast...cause of...cause of all the gayness. Cal...I love you. [Ricky faints]

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Ricky! Ricky! OH GOD!”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Frenchman, gayness
“Lucy Bobby: So how was your day driving with you father?

Ricky Bobby: Well, let's see. I got mauled by a cougar, my Crystal Gayle shirt is ruined, and I didn't learn dick about driving. Other than that, it was great.”
— Lucy Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: crystal gayle, dick
“Reese Bobby: Now, you show me the DNA test and then maybe I'll, uh...I'll say hello to these swamp rats.

Frank: [from the house next door] You people shut the hell up! I got a wife in an oxygen tent tryin' to sleep!

Reese Bobby: You better shut the hell up or I'll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!

Lucy Bobby: Yeah, shut up, Frank!

Walker: Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!

Reese Bobby: Okay, I guess they are my grandkids.”
— Reese Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: insults, swamp rats, shave your balls, Fart
“Ricky Bobby: I'm going fast again!

Cal Naughton, Jr.: How fast is he going?

Lucius Washington: 26 miles per hour.”
— Lucius Washington, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: speed, Dunning-Kruger
“Hey, shut up you little pot-licker I'll stick you in a microwave!”
— Reese Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: pot licker, Microwave
“I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: jesus, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Drunk, Fantasies
“Ricky Bobby: How was school today, boys?

Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge. [Chip is startled]

Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?

Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.

Ricky Bobby: Nice.

Texas Ranger: She said, 'No, you're wrong.' I said, 'You got a lumpy butt.' She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: pee pants, North Carolina, Washington DC, Lumpy Butt
“Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Hey, Ricky Bobby. Good to see you again.

Ricky Bobby: Thanks, man.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: You still owe me, like, 30 bucks.

Ricky Bobby: Oh no, man. you said that was a gift.

Dale Earnhardt Jr.: You're a dirty liar!”
— Dale Earnhardt Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Dale Earnhardt, owe, Dirty Liar
“Shut those mutts up before I cook 'em and eat 'em!”
— Texas Ranger Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Dogs, shut up
“My friends and I skipped school and we filled up a cup of pee and tried to get our neighbor's dog to drink it. But he wouldn't.”
— Walker Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Dogs, urine drinking, cutting class
“Jean Girard: My husband Gregory and I want what any couple wants: to retire to Stockholm and develop a currency for dogs and cats to use.

Ricky Bobby: That's dumb.

Jean Girard: Why is it dumb?

Ricky Bobby: Nah, that's dumb.”
— Jean Girard, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Gay Marriage, alternative currencies, dumb
“Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.”
— Jean Girard, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: chipmunk, difference, Fear
“Ricky Bobby: Hey, Greg.

Greg Biffle: [shakes Ricky's hand] Hey. Good to see you back.

Ricky Bobby: Thanks, bud.

Greg Biffle: You're not gonna be runnin' up the road in your underwear again, are ya? Like in Charlotte?

Ricky Bobby: You know what? That hurts, man. [Greg laughs, then suddenly stops]

Greg Biffle: Good to see you back.

Ricky Bobby: Thanks.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Underwear, Charlotte, Embarrassment, insults, Greg Biffle
“Ricky Bobby: Oh hey, Casey.

Casey Mears: [shakes Ricky's hand] Hey, Ricky.

Ricky Bobby: Good, man.

Casey Mears: I'm gonna wreck you today. [pause] I'm just kidding.

Ricky Bobby: Oh, haha. That' a good one.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: fake threats
“ I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: jesus, Anti-Christian, jumpsuit, Dancing
“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: jesus, tuxedo, formal, casual, party
“Jean Girard: [has Ricky in an arm lock] I will let you go, Ricky. But first, I want you to say...'I... love... crepes.'

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.

Ricky Bobby: I'm not gonna say it.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Good.

Ricky Bobby: Hey, look, Frenchie, I thought about it. So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?

Jean Girard: I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby, but I am a man of my word.

Ricky Bobby: Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini! [he tries unsuccessfully to get free]

Jean Girard: Whoa! Get down, you little pancake.

Ricky Bobby: Someone might as well get me a beer while I'm down here.

Jean Girard: But you have forced me to do this. You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous. Just say, 'I love crepes.'

Cal Naughton, Jr.: You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning. They're just like pancakes, maybe even better.

Ricky Bobby: Wait, are they the really thin pancakes?

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah.

Jean Girard: Yes, they are. They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.

Ricky Bobby: Oh, my God, I love those.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Put any syrups you want on them. I'm just saying, think about it.

Ricky Bobby: They come with cheese sometimes?

Jean Girard: Yes, of course, a fromage-crepe.

Ricky Bobby: Well, why didn't someone yell that right—right away?

Jean Girard: Do you know what's in the crepe suzette?

Ricky Bobby: Oh, I love the crepe suzette.

Jean Girard: With the sugar and lemon juice...

Ricky Bobby: Yeah, the sugar and the lemon juice. Sure.

Jean Girard: Grand Marnier.

Ricky Bobby: I wo—I wish I could crawl into one of those right now. I'd eat my way out from the inside.”
— Jean Girard, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Pancakes, crepes suzette, arm lock, Cheese, fromage, Harry Houdini
“There is something I want to get off my chest. It's about that summer, when you went away to community college. I got an offer to do Playgirl magazine, and I did it. I did a full spread for Playgirl magazine. I mean spread man, I pulled my butt apart and stuff. I was totally nude. it was weird, I... I mean you probably didn't hear about it because I went under the name of Mike Honcho. But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow. That I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Playgirl Magazine, Male Nude Modeling
“[from the unrated version]
Ricky Bobby: Hey. I lost my license. That's why I'm on the bus... I'm delivering pizzas.

Passenger on Bus: Mothafucka, what makes you think I care? Shut the fuck up!

Ricky Bobby: I—I've just telling you that 'cause, like I said, I lost my license. I've just been having a lot of problems lately.

Passenger on Bus: Problems? I don't want to hear about your damn problems! Everybody's got problems! My momma got problems she just lost her leg! My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle! My dog just threw up on somebody's finger! That's a problem!

Ricky Bobby: I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: testicles, Problems, driver's license
“Reese Bobby: [walks into the classroom] Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby. I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.

10-year-old Ricky: Dad!

Reese Bobby: Hey there, boy! Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?

10-year-old Ricky: Ten years.

Reese Bobby: Ten years? Man, I gotta lay off the peyote. [puts a cigarette in his mouth]

Schoolteacher: Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.

Reese Bobby: Oh, it's all right, darling, I'm a volunteer fireman. OK, I am a semi-professional race car driver and an amateur tattoo artist.

Classmates: OOOOHHHH!

Reese Bobby: And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a race car driver, is that you don't listen to losers like your know-it-all teacher here.

Schoolteacher: Okay, I think that's enough.

Reese Bobby: Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong because it's the fastest who get paid and it's the fastest who get laid. [classmates all cheer]”
— Reese Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: peyote, career day, race car driver
“So when you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?”
— Cal Naughton, Jr., Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: psychosomatic, fire-starter, Misunderstanding
“Texas Ranger: [complaining about doing community service] When do we get to stop doing this, Grandma?

Lucy Bobby: Well, I don't know, honey. When are you boys going to stop tossing me the radio in the bathtub?”
— Lucy Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: community service, Attempted Murder
“This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Stickers, fig newtons
“ [after driving in reverse to beat Jamie McMurray] Hey Jamie, losing's never fun, but here's a little something to keep your spirits up! [Gives him the finger] It's real nice. I got it at Target. It was on sale.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: Middle Finger, Target
“Chip: I can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are terrible boys!

Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go apeshit on your ass!

Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah!

Ricky Bobby: Yeah! Now turn up the heat!

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Go on and get some, boys!

Ricky Bobby: Come on!

Walker: I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!

Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!

Cal Naughton, Jr.: Like a spider monkey! Go on!

Ricky Bobby: Chip, you brought this on, man.

Walker: Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!

Chip: What is wrong with you?

Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: apeshit, mountain dew
“Cal Naughton, Jr.: Shake 'n Bake! [puts hand out]

Ricky Bobby: No, never again.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: You're right. I was like a total dick, man.

Ricky Bobby: From now on, you're the Magic Man and I'm El Diablo.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: What does Diablo mean?

Ricky Bobby: It's like...Spanish for like a fighting chicken.”
— Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Tagged: el diablo, Magic Man, spanish, fighting chicken
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