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Michael Scott Quotes

Total quotes: 48
“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Negotiation
Tagged: Wikipedia, Best Thing, World, subject, best possible, information, Collaboration
“Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Flaws, sing in showe, volunterring, sue me, Car, accident
“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Delivery
Tagged: Friends, Sales, Love, first, Second, third, No particular Order
“No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: downsizing, Patient, cancer, don't tell
“Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: The Duel
Tagged: Sentence, Going, Hope, Start, lost
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Fight
Tagged: feared, Loved, Both
“I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Launch Party
Tagged: Hate, terrible, don't like it
“I'm not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Superstitious, little, stitous, Words
“I am Beyonce, always.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Body Language
Tagged: Beyonce, Always, Fierce, Iconic
“The worst thing about prison was the dementors.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convict
Tagged: dementors, Worst Thing, Harry Potter reference, Prison Mike, Prison
“I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: The Convention
Tagged: inside jokes, part of one, Someday
“I say dance, they say 'How high?'”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: St. Patrick's Day
Tagged: dance, jump, how high, misworded
“Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: New Boss
Tagged: Redundant, ASAP, call me
“Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Traveling Salesmen
Tagged: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, strike one
“Friends joke with one another. 'Hey, you're poor.' 'Hey, your momma's dead.' That's what friends do.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: The Deposition
Tagged: Friendship, Best Friends, Friends
“Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he's not really a part of our family. Also he's divorced... so he's not really a part of his family.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: Human Resources, corporate, Family, divorced
“If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Body Language
Tagged: Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, Gun, shot
“Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: The Client
Tagged: cold, train, dead, Stiff, expressionless
“I don't come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: forward, Arrest, Guy, passing drugs
“It is St. Patrick's Day….It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Delivery
Tagged: St. Patrick's Day, irish, Christmas
“I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Grief Counseling
Tagged: don't understand, Honor, martin luther king, Work
“It's a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Sex Ed
Tagged: pimple, Avril Lavigne, Rocks, alive, normal
“Is there something besides 'Mexican' you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Diversity Day
Tagged: Offensive, Mexican, Preference, Question
“Don't ever, for any reason, do anything for anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where. Or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: The Duel
Tagged: Reason, Matter, whatsover, Nonsensical
“I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up I would definitely not go. ”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Office Olympics
Tagged: would not miss it, World, not go, contradictory
“This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple years ago.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: receptionist, Cute, years, Younger
“Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Booze Cruise
Tagged: boss, teaching others, Dancing, leader
“Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, ‘Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth.’”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Christmas Party
Tagged: presents, Care, Love, dollars, Money
“I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be okay.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: hospital, save, Okay, Anticlimactic
“Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as: The fusing of two metals with a hot torch.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Phyllis' Wedding
Tagged: Webster, Dictionary, wedding, welding, fuse, hot torch
“I guess the attitude that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second and probably an entertainer third.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Pilot
Tagged: Attitude, Create, Friend, boss, entertainer, first, Second, third
“Yes it is true! I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. I need a username and I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Take Your Daughter to Work Day
Tagged: True, Online Dating, username, Little Kid Lover, Priorities, Pedophile
“How to take off a woman's bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Ben Franklin
Tagged: Woman, bra, Twist, hands, Breaks
“You may look around and see two groups here: white collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Boys and Girls
Tagged: white collar, Blue Collar, play on words, Work
“Well, well, well, how the turntables.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Broke
Tagged: tables turn, roles switch, misworded
“We're all homos. Homo... Sapiens.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Gay Witch Hunt
Tagged: Homosexual, homosapien
“Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Nepotism
Tagged: Inception, dreamt, Think, Unsure
“Oh God, my mind is going a mile an hour.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: The Cover-Up
Tagged: Mind, mile a minute, misworded, Hour
“I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 5: Stress Relief
Tagged: Youtube, tape, comes down
“It's not like booze ever kil*** anyone.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Booze Cruise
Tagged: booze, killed, Alcohol
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