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Spongebob Squarepants Quotes

Total quotes: 43
“Oh, if I'd known being a lifeguard meant guarding their lives, I would never have said yes.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: SpongeGuard on Duty
Tagged: Lifeguards, Stupid, Oh The Irony, Stupid Spongebob
“Don't you know a suspect is just a friend you haven't cleared of charges yet?”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 11: The Legend of Boo-Kini Bottom
Tagged: Criminal Suspects
“Bring joy to the world, it's the thing to do, but the world does not revolve around you.
Don't be a jerk. Be nice to babies and animals. Old folks, too. 'Cause that's how you'd like them to treat you! Use turn signals. Don't screen my calls. Don't you wreck the house when you deck the halls.
Spit your gum where it won't wind up on my shoe. Squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. Don't be a jerk.
It's Christmas! It's Christmas! When others are talking, never interrupt. Don't put people down or leave the toilet seat up.
'Tis the season to be jolly, not jerky!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 8: Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom
Tagged: Christmas Season, Christmas, Christmas Songs, Jolly, Jerky
“SpongeBob: [rapid fire] I bet Mr. Krabs would get a kick out of this ride, don't you think? I mean he's so tough on the outside, but he's got a soft side, too. You know, this one time I was upset because my snail Gary he was sick and he let me leave 5 minutes early. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard? Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...
Narrator: Two very boring minutes later...
SpongeBob: And theeeen, there was that time that Mr. Krabs yelled at me for getting to work before he did, and he didn't even dock my pay! What a sweet man!!!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 7: Rodeo Daze
Tagged: Droning, Boring, Repetition, Talking Too Much
“SpongeBob: Can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come, can I come?

Squidward: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! Does that answer your questions?
 

SpongeBob: All except for that last one.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 6: Sun Bleached
Tagged: Repetition
“Did you hear that, Gary? They're rewarding you for standing up and speaking out against injustice. Maybe these pageants aren't so superficial after all.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 6: Slide Whistle Stooges
Tagged: Injustice, Pageants
“You see, Squidward! Slide whistling can add a little zest to the humdrum of everyday life.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 6: Spongicus
Tagged: Slide Whistling, Humdrum
“You can throw all your dreams down the well. Although everyday the pain grows you ride unicorns on rainbows if you throw all your dreams down the well. When your life's come apart at the seams and you've given up all your dreams, here is just the means to make those dreams come true.
No more suffering, no more sighin', no more pain and no more cryin'.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 4: Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy VI
Tagged: Songs, Dreams, Rainbows, Suffering
“You're not just an idiot, Patrick; you're also my pal!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 4: Selling Out
Tagged: Idiot, Insult, Backhanded Compliments
“Like, once, I met this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy's cousin—”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: Krab Borg
Tagged: Repetition
“Oh, living out the remainder of my life, in safety. If you guys were smart, you were join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was the one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I simply decided that I'm never leaving my house again.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: Squilliam Returns
Tagged: Survivor, Agoraphobia
“SpongeBob: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
Squidward: They poop on the robot?
SpongeBob: Yeah, you know, get straight poop, ask questions, get information.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV
Tagged: Poop, Puns, Robots
“I'll never survive in prison! They'll mop the floor with me!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: My Pretty Seahorse
Tagged: Prison, Puns
“Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: The Bully
Tagged: Absurd
“SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm every bit as good as Larry, and if I'm not, then may I be struck by...
[rumble of thunder]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... a flying ice cream truck.
[a shadow forms over SpongeBob; chimes play]
SpongeBob SquarePants: And live!
[the flying ice cream truck stops short of crushing Spongebob]
Larry the Lobster: [on megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: The Algae's Always Greener
Tagged: thunder, Flying Ice Cream Trucks, Careful What You Wish For
“Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Survival of the Idiots
Tagged: Gross, Clarinet, Toilet
“I AM SPONGEBOB, DESTROYER OF EVIL!!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Life of Crime
Tagged: Evil
“Sandy: I'm a squirrel. See? 



*Sandy points to an acorn.*



SpongeBob: I thought that meant you were nuts.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Squidville
Tagged: Jokes, Puns, Squirrels, Double Entendres
“Fish boy, are they smelly? Whoo hoo!! How could a creature who spend so much time in the water smell so bad?”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Grandma's Kisses
Tagged: fish, Smelly, soap
“SpongeBob: Hey, why does it take more than one squirrel to change a lightbulb?


Fish: Why?!
 

SpongeBob: Because, they're so darn stupid!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Grandma's Kisses
Tagged: Anti-Jokes, Stupid
“The Krabby Patty formula is the sole property of the Krusty Krab and may only be discussed in part or in whole with its creator Mr. Krabs. Duplication of this formula is punishable by law. Restrictions apply, results may vary.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Bossy Boots
Tagged: Krabby Patty, Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs, The World of Fast Food in Spongebob Squarepants
“You know, if I were to die right now in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend, well, that would just be okay.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Bossy Boots
Tagged: Death Wish, Irony
“First I need to find a friend! (holds up as stick) Stick buddy...! Nah. (stands next to a pile of rocks) Rock buddy...! No. (stands next to a sink) Sink buddy! Almost.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Something Smells
Tagged: Anthropomorphism, Friends, Inanimate Objects
“The customers may be hot, but my grill is hotter.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Squid's Day Off
Tagged: Hot, That's Hot, Humblebragging
“I'm ugly and I'm proud, I'm ugly and I'm proud, I'm ugly and I'm proud!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Your Shoe's Untied
Tagged: Ugliness Pride, Self-Esteem
“SpongeBob: Go. Run away like all the others. No one would want a friend as ugly as I am.

Patrick: Sure they would! It makes them feel better about the way they look!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 2: Your Shoe's Untied
Tagged: ugly, Irony, Wingman
“This guy’s not half-bad-looking for a maniac.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 1: Plankton!
Tagged: Maniac, Self-awareness
“Hall Monitor SpongeBob reporting for duty, ma'am! I'm ready to assume my position in the hall! I will protect all that are weak in the hall! All rules to be enforced in the hall!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 1: Plankton!
Tagged: Hall Monitor
“I heard that in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat coral. No, wait, it wasn't coral.Maybe it was sand...no, mud.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 1: Ripped Pants
Tagged: Hardship, Pioneers, coal, Coral, mud
“I'll never forget your 100% all-secret patty, secretly assembled with undersea cheese, pickles, lettuce, tomato, onion, all secretly steaming between two fluffy seaweed sea buns.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 1: Tea at the Treedome
Tagged: Burgers, Parody, Pickles, Lettuce, Tomato
“We've been smackledorfed!”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: Nasty Patty
Tagged: Made Up Words, Getting Fooled
“It matters not whether one is dirty or clean for can cleanliness exist without filthiness? And would filthiness exist without cleanliness?”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 5: The Battle of Bikini Bottom
Tagged: Strange Philosophy, Against Showering, Dirty is Clean, Paradoxes
“What could be better than serving up smiles?”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: Can You Spare a Dime?
Tagged: Feel Good, Good Vibes
“ Whoever sent this obviously has no idea about the physical limitations of life underwater! Well, might as well throw these in the fire.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, SpongeBob SquarePants, Season 3: Party Pooper Pants
Tagged: Irony, Life Underwater
“Spongebob: Now that we're men, we have facial hair.

Patrick: Now that we're men I changed my underwear. ”
— Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick Star,
Tagged: Spongebob Quotes, T.V Quotes
“Patrick: What does claustrophobic mean? 

Spongebob: It means he's a afraid of Santa Clause ”
— Patrick Star, Spongebob Squarepants, Spongebob Squarepants
Tagged: T.V Quotes, Spongebob Quotes
“You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, Spongebob Squarepants
Tagged: T.V Quotes, Funny Quotes
“Ravioli Ravioli, give me the formuoli.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, Spongebob Squarepants
Tagged: Spongebob Quotes, T.V Quotes
“I’ll have you know that I stubbed by toe last week and only cried for 20 minutes.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, Spongebob Squarepants
Tagged: Spongebob, T.V Quotes, Funny Quotes
“Spongebob: Patrick, you're a genius!"

"Patrick: Yeah, I get called that a lot."

"Spongebob: What? A genius?"

"Patrick: No, Patrick.”
— Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick Star, Spongebob Squarepants
Tagged: T.V Quotes, Funny Quotes
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