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Tom Quotes

Total quotes: 45
“I love her in the same way I love pancakes.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Champagne
Tagged: Love, Simile Examples, Pancakes
“I'm reliable. I’m like the rock. I’m like the group rock.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Champagne
Tagged: Rock, Reliable, Simile Examples
“Would you ask a bird why it sings? Would you ask a divorced man why he joined a pottery class? Some things don’t need to be questioned.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Puff Pastry Pizza
Tagged: Sassy, Questions, Pottery, bird, Sings
“You’re like a cat lady, except not old.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Pancakes With Faces
Tagged: Old, Cat Lady, Simile Examples
“I think you’re the best. Like custard.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Coq Au Vin
Tagged: best, affection, Compliment, Simile Examples
“I buy fair trade chocolate. I like that tastes less like poor people’s tears.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Coq Au Vin
Tagged: purchase, Simile Examples, taste, Fair Trade, Tears
“We need to show you off to the world like the royal baby.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 3: Natural Spring Water
Tagged: Show Off, Royal Baby, World
“I've decided relationships aren't for me. I'm not doing them. I'm done with love.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Margherita
Tagged: Relationships, Love, Couples
“Sometimes I think I would be happiest if I could talk myself into enjoying sex with prostitutes and just give up on girlfriends.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Margherita
Tagged: Happy, Sex, Prostitutes, Girlfriend, Enjoyment
“Don't worry, I'm really good at romance.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Skinny Latte
Tagged: romance, worried, Dating
“Everything just tastes like sad.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Skinny Latte
Tagged: taste, Sad, upset
“I suck. I can't believe how much I suck.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Lapin A La Cocotte
Tagged: suck, upset, Disappointed
“Josh: Why were you trying to put your penis in a toilet roll? 

Tom: Because I'm curious-- I'm a curious guy.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Ham
Tagged: penis, size, curious, Questions
“I think maybe the reason people don't respond to you well in night clubs is because of your sad-as shit face.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 2: Milk
Tagged: Reason, Response, Sad, face, Nightclubs
“The thing that freaks me out about having a kid is that you could get one and it could be shit. It could be a douche. Then you have to spend the next 18 years pretending to love it.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 1: All You Can Eat
Tagged: kid, Scared, Freaked Out , worries
“Josh: I'm almost definitely gonna be Young Australian of the Year for this.

Tom: More like Young Dick-face of the Year.”
— Tom, Please Like Me, Season 1: Rhubarb and Custard
Tagged: award, Sassy, Comeback
“You’re a pretty girl. This is New York City, there’s like a billion people outside that door.”
— Tom, How to Be Single
Tagged: Pretty, plenty of fish, New York City
“We are creating mountains of electronic waste.”
— Tom, Casual, Season 3: The Table
Tagged: Digital Waste, Internet
“Sex is better with someone you love for the exact reason that literally everything is better with someone you love.”
— Tom, 18 Men Explain Exactly How Sex Is Different With Someone You Love
Tagged: Sex, humor, Happiness, Smiles
“Summer: 'This is fun. You're fun.'

Tom: 'Thanks.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Dating, Fun
“Okay. Settle. She's just a girl. Just a girl. She wants to keep it casual, which is why she's in my bed right now. But that's casual. That's what casual people do. That's fine. That's great.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Girls, casual, Dating
“Why is it pretty girls think they can treat people like crap and get away with it?”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Heartbreak, Girls, Pretty Girls
“Tom: 'It's off.'

McKenzie: 'What?'

Tom: 'Me and Summer.'

McKenzie: 'Was it ever on?'

Tom: 'No, but it could've been, in a world where good things happen to me.'

Paul: 'Yeah, well, that's not really where we live.'”
— Tom, McKenzie, Paul, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Relationships, Dating, humor, crushes, Breakups
“Paul: 'So what are you exactly?'

Tom: 'I don't know.'

Paul: 'Are you her boyfriend?'

Tom: 'It's not that simple.'

McKenzie: 'Sure, it is.'

Tom: 'What, like, are we going steady? Come on, guys. You know, we're-we're adults. We know how we feel. We don't need to put labels on it. I mean, "boyfriend," "girlfriend." All that stuff is... it's really juvenile.'

McKenzie: 'You sound gay.'

Paul: 'You really do.'

Tom [Points to McKenzie]: 'Okay, first of all, your last girlfriend was Amy Sussman in seventh grade. And you dated for, like, three hours. [Points to Paul] And you... You've been with Robyn since what, like, 1998?

Paul: ''97.'

Tom: ''97. See... Shoot. I don't think the two of you are exactly authorities on modern relationships.'”
— Tom, McKenzie, Paul, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Relationships, Dating, humor
“McKenzie: 'Hey, maybe you should write a book.'

Tom: 'What?'

McKenzie: 'Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.'

Tom: 'That guy had a lot more sex than me.'”
— Tom, McKenzie, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Literature, breakup, Women, Heartbreak, Sex
“Tom [Starts to take a drink of champagne]: 'That was actually my nickname in college. They called me "Perfectly Adequate" Hansen.'

Summer: 'They used to call me "Anal Girl."'

[Tom nearly gags on his drink]

Summer: '...I was very neat and... organized.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: humor, College, Nicknames
“Summer: 'We've been like Sid and Nancy for months now.'

Tom: 'Summer, Sid stabbed Nancy, seven times with a kitchen knife, I mean we have some disagreements but I hardly think I'm Sid Vicious.'

Summer: 'No, I'm Sid.'

Tom: 'Oh, so I'm Nancy...?'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Funny, humor, Dating, Breakups, Fight
“Partygoer: 'So Tom, what is it that you do?'

Tom: 'I, uh, I write greeting cards.'

Summer: 'Tom could be a really great architect if he wanted to be.'

Partygoer: 'That's unusual, I mean, what made you go from one to the other?'

Tom: 'I guess I just figured, why make something disposable like a building when you can make something that lasts forever, like a greeting card.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Funny, humor, Dating
“Summer: 'All we ever do is argue!'

Tom: 'THAT IS BULLSHIT!'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Arguing, Dating, Relationships
“Summer: 'I named my cat after Springsteen.'

Tom: 'No kidding. What was his name?'

Summer: '...Bruce.'

Tom: 'Oh... That makes sense.'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: humor, Pets, Date
“I hate her crooked teeth. I hate her 1960s haircut. I hate her knobby knees. I hate her cockroach-shaped splotch on her neck. I hate the way she smacks her lips before she talks. I hate the way she sounds when she laughs.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Heartbreak
“It's official. I'm in love with Summer.

I love her smile. I love her hair. I love her knees. I love how she licks her lips before she talks. I love her heart-shaped birthmark on her neck. I love it when she sleeps.”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Dating, In love
“Summer: 'We're just fr—'

Tom: 'No! Don't pull that with me! This is not how you treat your friend! Kissing in the copy room? Holding hands in IKEA? Shower sex? Come on! Friends my balls!'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Dating, Friends
“Tom: 'What happens if you fall in love?'

Summer: 'Well, you don't believe that, do you?'

Tom: 'It's love. It's not Santa Claus.'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Dating
“Narrator: 'As he listened, Tom began to realize that these stories weren't routinely told. These were stories one had to earn. He could feel the wall coming down. He wondered if anyone else had made it this far. Which is why the next six words changed everything.'

Summer: 'I've never told anybody that before.'

Tom: 'I guess I'm not just anybody.'”
— The Narrator, Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Falling In Love, Stories, Secrets
“People buy cards 'cause they can't say how they feel or they're afraid too. We provide the service that lets them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let's level with America. At least let them speak for themselves! Right? I mean, look! What-What is this? What does it say? 'Congratulations on your new baby.' Right? How 'bout, 'Congratulations on your new baby. Guess that's it for hanging out. Nice knowing you.'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: cards, Feelings, humor
“Summer: 'Well, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband.'

Tom: 'Yeah. And... So?'

Summer: 'So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was, it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right.'

Tom: 'No.'

Summer: 'Yeah, I did. [Laughs] I did. It just wasn't me that you were right about.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Heartbreak, Dating
“Tom: 'Look, we don't have to put a label on it. That's fine. I get it. But, you know, I just... I need some consistency.'

Summer: 'I know.'

Tom: 'I need to know that you're not gonna wake up in the morning and feel differently.'

Summer: 'And I can't give you that. Nobody can.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Heartbreak, Dating, Labels
“Summer [Tom is listening to headphones in an elevator with Summer. She notices the music]: 'I love the Smiths.'

Tom: 'Sorry?

Summer: 'I said I love the Smiths.'
[They stare at each other for a moment]
'You... You have good taste in music.'

Tom [Repeating after her]: 'You... like the Smiths?'

Summer [Singing]: 'To die by your side, such a heavenly way to die.'

Summer [Speaking]: 'I love em.'

[Elevator stops, Summer leaves while Tom remains dumbfounded]

Tom: 'Holy shit.'”
— Tom, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Love, Falling In Love, Music
“Tom: 'What happened? Why? Why didn't they work out?'

Summer: 'What always happens. Life.'”
— Tom, Summer, (500) Days Of Summer
Tagged: Dating, Love, Heartbreak
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