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Kevin Heffernan Quotes

Total quotes: 48
“Thorny: [finishes syrup, slams bottle on table] I am all that is, man!

[Rabbit struggles to finish]

Mac: What’s a-matter Rabbit, your mother teach you to chug?”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: chugging, Syrup
“Captain O’Hagan: Did you guys put in for any transfers yet?

Mac: I applied for a guard job—at the post office.

[collective groan]

Thorny: Hey, you’ll finally be able to shoot someone.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: Going Postal, shooting
“Farva: Don’t call me radio, unit 91.

Mac: Then don’t call me unit 91, radio.

Farva: Are you done?”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: radio
“Captain O’Hagan: What did you find out at the weigh station?

Mac: My cruiser weighs 16,000 kilograms!”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: weigh station, kilograms, cruiser
“Mac: How’s your shooting, Thorny?

Thorny: Good. I’ve been dead on all morning.

Mac: What about that little guy?

[points to a bullet hole in the shooting target’s neck]

Thorny: Who, that little guy? I wouldn’t worry about that little guy.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: shooting, Understatement
“No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: you're under arrest, fuckhead
“Thorny: I'll give you the fat guy for Foster. And uh, how about that stupid guy for Rabbit.

Ursula: Well, you're going to have to be more specific, they're both kind of fat and stupid.”
— Thorny, Super Troopers
Tagged: fat, Stupid, be specific
“Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars.

Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Farva: I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car.

Thorny: That's a good investment but I'd still pull you over.

Farva: Bullshit. You couldn't pull me over, and even if you did I'd activate my car's wings and I'd fly away. [Farva pulls off ticket from cup and pop spills all over him from the hole behind the ticket]

Farva: Dammit, you burger punk. You son of a bitch!”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Investment, Son of a Bitch
“Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars.

Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Farva: I'd buy a ten-million-dollar car.

Thorny: That's a good investment but I'd still pull you over.

Farva: Bullshit. You couldn't pull me over, and even if you did I'd activate my car's wings and I'd fly away. [Farva pulls off ticket from cup and pop spills all over him from the hole behind the ticket]

Farva: Dammit, you burger punk. You son of a bitch!”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Investment, Son of a Bitch
“Officer Smy: Ursula, what the fuck? There's no TP in the bathroom!

Ursula: What about the piece stuck to your shoe?

Officer Smy: What ABOUT the piece stuck to my shoe? [Looks down]

Officer Smy: SHIT!

Ursula: [Stifles a laugh]

Officer Smy: You know, you might get ahead around here if you made the extra effort.

Ursula: Oh why... did you want me to wipe your ass?

Officer Smy: [Flustered] That's not what I meant! [With a pompous gesture] Well around MY house, my wife knows to refill the TP.

Ursula: I'm not your wife, Smy.

Officer Smy: No, and if you were, I'd take you down a peg or two.

Ursula: Oooooooh.”
— Local Officer Smy, Super Troopers
Tagged: Toilet Paper, Shit, Fuck
“[Farva brings the boys a round of coffee, and has left a surprise in Rabbit's]
Rabbit: [dryly] Oh, look, a bar of soap.

Farva: Oh, shit, I got you good, you fucker!

Mac: Awesome prank, Farva.

Farva: Better than the crap you pull, Mac!

Captain O'Hagan: Look, fellas...

Mac: [to Rabbit] Bite it, rook! You'll make him look like a dick!

Rabbit: Nah...

Captain O'Hagan: Every Thursday night I walk into the lodge to play Hearts... [Mac persists in goading Rabbit as O'Hagan continues]

Mac: Seriously, rook, bite it. Do it. Don't be a wuss!

Captain O'Hagan: ...and they always have my Old-Fashioned just waiting there...

Mac: Don't be a wuss, bite it!

Captain O'Hagan: ...I like that. I like it here...

Mac: Bite it. Bite it!

Captain O'Hagan: [Fed up] Oh, hell! Give me the goddamn soap!

[He grabs the soap, takes a bite, and spits it at Mac]”
— Captain O'Hagan, Super Troopers
Tagged: Prank, soap, Hearts, bite it
“You boys like Mex-i-co? Yee-haww!”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: Mexico, yee-haw
“Foster: Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I'm an idiot.

Mac: That's true.”
— Foster, Super Troopers
Tagged: Idiot, insults
“Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her...I guess you could say that about all my girls.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Stinks, ass
“Just cleaning out the old locker, she stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her...I guess you could say that about all my girls.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Stinks, ass
“Thorny: Where are your shoes?

Foster: What are you, the shoe police?

Thorny: I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar.

Foster: Black magic only works on the rookie.

Thorny: That's brown magic.”
— Thorny, Super Troopers
Tagged: black magic, shoe police
“Captain O'Hagan: There was a time when we'd take a guy like you in the back and beat you with a hose. Now you've got your goddamned unions.

Farva: Cap'n...you know I'm not a pro-union guy.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Police Brutality, Unions, Goddamned
“Captain O'Hagan: There was a time when we'd take a guy like you in the back and beat you with a hose. Now you've got your goddamned unions.

Farva: Cap'n...you know I'm not a pro-union guy.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Police Brutality, Unions, Goddamned
“Foster: [explaining his low number of citations issued] I can't make them speed.

Captain O'Hagan: Try hiding.”
— Foster, Super Troopers
Tagged: Speeding, Hiding
“Littering and... littering and... littering and smokin' the reefer.”
— Thorny, Super Troopers
Tagged: littering, Reefer, Marijuana, Slacker
“Rabbit: [lifting soap out of coffee] Oh, look, a bar of soap.

Farva: Oohoohoh shit. I got you good, you fucker!

Mac: Awesome prank, Farva.

Farva: Better'n the crap you pull, Mac.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Pranks, Shit
“Rabbit: [lifting soap out of coffee] Oh, look, a bar of soap.

Farva: Oohoohoh shit. I got you good, you fucker!

Mac: Awesome prank, Farva.

Farva: Better'n the crap you pull, Mac.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Pranks, Shit
“Captain O'Hagan: Bulletproof cup, huh? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked. [fires through the window, accidentally shooting out the glass] And we also used blanks. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.

Mac: Thanks, Chief!”
— Captain O'Hagan, Super Troopers
Tagged: Bulletproof, sick motherfucker
“Who can say 'meow' the most? You guys are real crazy, hey look out for these guys.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: meow, crazy
“Who can say 'meow' the most? You guys are real crazy, hey look out for these guys.”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: meow, crazy
“Thorny: Are you okay?

College Boy 2: Yeah, sure.

Thorny: Yes sir?

College Boy 2: Yes sir.

Thorny: No, did you say 'yes sir.'?

Rabbit: I think he said 'yeah, sure.'

College Boy 1: What'd you say man?

College Boy 2: When I said, 'yeah, sure', but what... literally what I said was 'yeah, sure, sir.'

Thorny: So you are okay then?

College Boy 2: Yes sir. [sounds like 'yeah sure']”
— College Boy 2, Super Troopers
Tagged: yeah sure, yes sir, Homonyms
“Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?”
— Foster, Super Troopers
Tagged: Cat, milk, saucer, Mice
“It stinks like sex in here.”
— Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske, Super Troopers
Tagged: stink, Sex
“[repeated line]
Thorny: Enhance.

Captain O'Hagan: Just print the damn thing!”
— Captain O'Hagan, Super Troopers
Tagged: enhance, damned, Impatience
“Thorny: [upon seeing Farva in a local cop uniform] What the fuck, Farva?

Captain O'Hagan: What are you doing wearing that uniform in my station?

Farva: Looks who's talking 'Denim Dan'! You look like the President and CEO of Levi-Strauss!”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: WTF, Uniform, CEO, Levi-Strauss
“Captain O'Hagan: What's the significance of this John Chimpo fella?

Foster: You know those really cheap Japanese cartoons? No? This is basically a cheaper, Afghani knockoff. It's this monkey that basically travels around the world, doing nasty things. His butler tries to keep him in line, but, uh... no.

Rabbit: It's really funny, Cap. It's Afghanistanimation!

Captain O'Hagan: The monkey has a butler? Great. Is that what they do in Arabia, Thorny?

Thorny: How the hell should I know? [In a silly voice with his eyes crossed]

Mac: Do we look like the two dumbest guys in the world to you?”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: Monkey, afghani, dumbest
“[Chugging maple syrup] Three...two...one...DO EET. Oh, go, girlfriend.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: chugging, Do It, maple syrup
“Captain O'Hagan: That's it. You're off the road, never again.

Farva: Sir, it was not my fault!

Captain O'Hagan: Neither was the goddamn school bus! You know, there was a time we'd take a guy like you out back and beat you with a hose; now you got your Goddamn unions.

Farva: Cap, You know I'm not a pro union guy.

Captain O'Hagan: And you're banned from Dimpus Burger!

Farva: Damn it!

Captain O'Hagan: Get some rubber gloves. From now on, you're my cleaning lady. BEAT IT!”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Unions, Goddamn, banned, cleaning lady
“Captain O'Hagan: That's it. You're off the road, never again.

Farva: Sir, it was not my fault!

Captain O'Hagan: Neither was the goddamn school bus! You know, there was a time we'd take a guy like you out back and beat you with a hose; now you got your Goddamn unions.

Farva: Cap, You know I'm not a pro union guy.

Captain O'Hagan: And you're banned from Dimpus Burger!

Farva: Damn it!

Captain O'Hagan: Get some rubber gloves. From now on, you're my cleaning lady. BEAT IT!”
— Farva, Super Troopers
Tagged: Unions, Goddamn, banned, cleaning lady
“[Mac gets shot in the crotch while wearing the steel cup ]
Foster: How you feelin' there, Mac?

Mac: Good enough...to fuck...your mother.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: fuck your mother
“Police Chief Grady: I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamoles. Smy?

Officer Smy: Yeah, chief. I'll have a CHINCHILLA!

Rabbit: I don't get it. Tacos?

Thorny: They think I'm Mexican.

Rabbit: You're not Mexican?”
— Chief Grady, Super Troopers
Tagged: Tacos, Enchiladas, guacamole, Mexican
“Desperation is a stinky cologne.”
— Chief Grady, Super Troopers
Tagged: Desperation, Stinky, cologne
“Mac: Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had.

Captain O'Hagan: If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now.

Mac: Smothered me in gravy, you big dirty man.”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: Sons, dirty, gravy
“Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun!

Thorny: [referring to Farva] Yeah, and his shenanigans are cruel and tragic.

Foster: [after a pause] Which... makes them not really shenanigans at all.

Mac: [in a silly voice] Evil shenanigans!”
— Mac, Super Troopers
Tagged: shenanigans, cruel, tragic, Evil
“Bear...bear-fucker, do you need assistance?”
— Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Paul Soter, Steve Lemme, Erik Stolhanske, Super Troopers
Tagged: Bear, bear-fucker
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