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B.J. Novak, Quotes

Total quotes: 30
“ I've never been a kiss up. It's just not how I operate. I mean I've always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work, half-heartedly.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 5: Dream Team
Tagged: Kiss Up, Hardly Working, How to impress your boss
“I think it's great that the company's making a commercial, because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers or muffins or mittens or...and frankly, all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.”
— Jim Halpert, The Office, Season 4: Local Ad
Tagged: Dunder Mifflin, Paper company, Commercials
“Michael always says, 'K-I-S-S, keep it simple, stupid.' Great advice, hurts my feelings every time.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 3: Initiation
Tagged: Advice, hurts my feelings
“Ryan: Did you see Saw?

Dwight: Of course I see-saw. Mose and I see-saw all the time.

Ryan: No, uh, the movie. Did you see, the movie Saw.

Dwight: Oh. Yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a see-saw.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 6: The Manager and the Salesman
Tagged: saw, Saw The Movie
“When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn't even talk yet.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Local Ad
Tagged: Unicorns, Young Mind
“Ryan: Did this happen on company property?

Michael: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.


Ryan: I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.


Michael: Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Fun Run
Tagged: Jeopardy, I'm Fine
“Hi, I'm Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Happy Hour
Tagged: Dating, Bad Dates
“Kelly: You called me stupid.

Ryan: No I said your idea is stupid.
 

Kelly: What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor.
 

Ryan: Don't you see why that's insane?
 

Kelly: Oh, so I'm crazy now?”
— Kelly Kapoor, The Office, Season 3: The Negotiation
Tagged: Baby Names
“Maybe we weren't right together, but, it's weird. I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?”
— Ryan Howard, The Office, Season 8: Angry Andy
Tagged: Rude, Love, fuckboy, immature person, Alone, Spiteful
“I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I don't know how I'm gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change.”
— Ryan Howard, The Office, Season 8: Angry Andy
Tagged: Love, Indecisive, fuckboy, Change, Today, This Moment, Dating, Modern Dating
“Ryan Howard: I'd like to make a toast: to the troops. All the troops. Both sides.

Party guest: That's weird.”
— Ryan Howard, The Office, Season 8: Garden Party
Tagged: humor, awkward, Toast, The Troops, both sides, Weird
“I got away with everything under the last boss and it wasn't good for me. So I want guidance. I want leadership. Lead me... when I'm in the mood to be led.”
— Ryan Howard, The Office, Season 7: Search Committee
Tagged: Contradiction, Leadership, Mood, humor
“Holly Flax: Okay, look, we can't fire someone because we don't like him.

Ryan Howard: Right. This isn't the U.S. government.

Kelly Kapoor: What are you referencing?

Ryan Howard: Everything. Everything.”
— Ryan Howard, The Office, Season 7: Todd Packer
Tagged: Fire, Dislike, U.S. Government, humor, reference, Truth
“I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I've only seen 'Antz.' But I'll tell you something, what I respect about that man is that when he was going through all of that stuff that came out in the press, about how 'Antz' was just a ripoff of 'A Bug's Life,' he stayed true to his films. Or at least the film that I saw, which, again, was 'Antz.' Thing is, I thought 'A Bug's Life' was better, much better than 'Antz.' Point is, don't listen to your critics. Listen to your fans.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 7: Threat Level Midnight
Tagged: Movie, Woody Allen, awkward, controversial, ripoff, Critics, Fans, Bad Advice
“I talk a lot, so I learn to tune myself out.”
— Kelly Kapoor, The Office, Season 7: Counseling
Tagged: humor, Talkative, Tune Out, Self-Depricating
“Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North.' And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Diversity Day
Tagged: Abraham Lincoln, North, Principles, work place
“That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Diversity Day
Tagged: Offensive, lame, environment, welcoming, Get Out, contradictory
“I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage, because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 6: Happy Hour
Tagged: unfair advantage, reality dating shows, hawk, Absorb, information, winners, losers
“Yes. I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence.”
— Dwight Schrute, The Office, Season 3: Safety Training
Tagged: shun, Slapping, Silence, Amish, technique, Simile Examples
“Dwight you ignorant sl**.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 3: Safety Training
Tagged: Iconic, ignorant, Slut
“I haven't had so much fun since seeing Zooey Deschannel at the Coacharilla music festival.”
— Erin Hannon, The Office, Season 8: Test the Store
Tagged: Fun, Zooey Deschanel, Music, festival, Coachella
“If you love something, let it go. If you don't love something, definitely let it go. Basically, just drop everything, who cares.”
— B.J. Novak,, One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories(Vintage Contemporaries)
Tagged: Let It Go, Love, H4D-46
“...part of love is being helpless, being out of control of your own emotions.”
— B.J. Novak,, One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories
Tagged: Love, romance, Feelings of Love, Feelings, emotions
“You want to meet someone who likes the same things you do, and who likes you most when you're most being yourself.”
— B.J. Novak,, One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories
Tagged: Dating, Be yourself, Love, H4D-3
“Is there something besides 'Mexican' you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 1: Diversity Day
Tagged: Offensive, Mexican, Preference, Question
“You may look around and see two groups here: white collar, blue collar. But I don't see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Boys and Girls
Tagged: white collar, Blue Collar, play on words, Work
“I don't come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: forward, Arrest, Guy, passing drugs
“There is no such thing as an appropriate joke, that's why it's a joke.”
— B.J. Novak,, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: joke, appropriate, no such thing
“Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he's not really a part of our family. Also he's divorced... so he's not really a part of his family.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 2: Sexual Harassment
Tagged: Human Resources, corporate, Family, divorced
“I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.”
— Michael Scott, The Office, Season 4: Launch Party
Tagged: Hate, terrible, don't like it
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